Burn me alive
by itzarazorblade
Summary: rape trauma syndrome sexual situations self mutilation. 13 part series; As the days pass, Harry is no longer aware of who is helping who. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE WARNINGS.
1. forks

When they found Draco, he was lying in the center of a room.

Curled up in a ball, violently shivering, naked, and oddly silent for the witty snide Draco Malfoy.

Everyone had questions to ask him. How he had ended up being a captive during the war, what had happened. If he knew that the war had ended, how long he'd been there, if he knew his parents were dead and Snape as well.

Never, did he cry.

In fact he didn't say or do much of anything. He nodded. He'd mumble yeses and no's.

When Harry first saw him it was all very much like a badly written action film. They busted through the door, Harry ran in with a blanket and scooped him up. Actually it wasn't originally Harry who ran in to the boys rescue. Harry was running up and down every floor making sure there were no death eaters left. Just he prisoners.

First it was just some random auror. Harry wasn't there to witness it but he was told that the second the man put his hand on the back of Draco's neck to pick him up the boy woke up and began screaming bloody murder. Punching and swatting. Once he realized Ron, Hermione, and Neville were in the room he curled up into a ball in one corner and demanded they leave him there. Which is when they called Harry in. He was the one they called in for all situations they didn't understand, unfortunately for Harry.

"Bloody hell you guys. Is there anything you can do without me? I mean this was simple. Come in, bust everyone out. Question them, return them to society. Keep suspicious o-. . . oh,"

He stopped sharp in front of Draco.

"Ok, what's the problem?"

"No one can touch him!" Ron exclaimed.

"Oh bugger"

He took the blanket from the tall, bald, auror and walked straight up to Draco draping it around his shoulders.

"Can you walk?"

Draco shook his head no and just kept his eyes trained on the floor, knees to his chest, arms wrapped around himself.

He lifted the boy, one hand under his thighs the other around his shoulders, an itchy blanket between the two.

"Honest to god, what was so hard about that fella's? er..and Hermione"

"He was screaming like a GIRL every-time we got near him! OUCH" Hermione elbowed Ron in the ribs.

"He's obviously been through quite a bit, leave him alone Ron."

"Traumatized and he's still finding a way to make us seem incompetent" Ron shook his head.

As the days went by, and they tried prying information from him. They figured out that not only did he know nothing except that he was fine and just wanted to go home, but he didn't know he didn't have a home. No idea that it had been destroyed. The only information that they got about him was that he had no idea how long he was there and he just got beaten up. Someone kindly explained to him that his father had attempted to switch sides right at the end when it was obvious that the light side was winning so they must've scooped him up from his bed or something. He had no idea about that either.

All this he would only tell Harry. He would merely nod to anyone else. No words.

Harry and Draco would have the same conversation everyday,

"What happened in there Malfoy?"

"Nothing, I don't know. I can't remember. Nothing happened"

The scary part was that looking at him he honestly appeared to have no idea what was going on.

When people other than Harry would come in the room, he would turn bright red and shut up immediately. Sometimes they'd walk in on him sobbing curled into a little ball in the center of his bed.

Hogwarts was where they were keeping him. He was a special case. He had been on the inside when all these things had happened throughout the years. They needed his information to convict certain still living death eaters.

Everyday that passed he got a little more unstable. Everyday Harry would come in to him crying a bit harder, or thrashing a bit more violently in his sleep. His sleep during 4 pm. He did not seem to sleep at night and would never turn the lights off. Always had all doors and windows shut tightly and curtains closed. He had draped a towel over the mirror in the bathroom. Which he also seemed to be spending a lot of time in.

He showered far too often to be normal. About 5 times a day if Harry came in and interrupted. Which was a very unpleasant situation for everyone. He'd walk in to Draco dripping wet and wrapped in a towel loosely around his waist, or sometimes none at all. Beating the mirror or walls, pulling at his own hair, scratching his own skin. They had to make sure when he ate someone was there to monitor. There was a particularly nasty instance where, the week after they had found him and finally got him to eat something solid. Harry was bringing him clothes; Draco had demanded loose clothing, said he couldn't breathe in normal robes, he came up to the boys dorm just in time to see Draco. Sitting on the floor. Pull a fork from over the heat of a candle flame and press it into his thigh. He watched Draco hiss and squeeze his eyes shut as the four fork prongs made red streaks on his leg as he pressed harder and harder. He heard it sizzle. Eventually crying out...but in the most wanton manner Harry had ever seen. It was a cry wasn't it? Or was it a moan? Harry's eyes widened as he watched Draco's length grow upwards in between bobs, inches away from the place on his thigh that he had pressed the hot fork into.

"Malfoy, what are you doing!?"

Draco's eyes grew wide and he grabbed the towel he probably should've been wearing. Soaking wet, must've been water sizzling off of his body. He dropped the fork and squeezed his eyes tight shut again looking down at the floor.

"Get out" He mumbled in a croaky-too-much-crying voice.

Harry grabbed a roll of bandages sitting on the dresser they had given him for the wounds he refused to allow them to heal insisting they were "fine".

He kneeled down on his knees and reached to remove the towel. Draco squeaked in protest and inched away causing Harry to reach out roughly grabbing him by the shoulders.

"Malfoy, I don't know what happened to you. But if you tell me I might be able to help you!"

Draco tried to wiggle out of Harry's grasp still looking at the ground as tears slipped down his face,

"Let go of me" he ground out.

"Draco... Let me look at your leg. I'll just heal it and leave. I wont touch you or anything I promise."

"I deserve it" Draco snapped. He was shaking.

"LET GO OF ME" He screamed

"I can't BREATHE with you on me like this, stop." He was crying harder now.

"Get OFF OF ME" He shoved Harry back.

"Draco what happened to you?" Harry pressed.

"I DESERVED IT. LEAVE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ALL OF YOU. I DESERVED IT, WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? I should've been able to prevent it and I couldn't so it's just my-FAULT"

"Draco," Harry scooted closer, releasing one of Draco's shoulders to use that hand to push Draco's face to face his own.

"What ever happened to you was obviously very horrible. And if you tell us and we treat you, you can LEAVE. Do you understand? We have to get certain information."

Draco started shaking more violently,

"Please let go of me, I feel like I can't BREATHE with you on me like this. I can't move, stop, I can't breathe, STOP" Draco flailed, stretching an arm out to snatch the fork off the floor and swung at Harry's head with it.

Harry swiftly caught Draco's wrist, shocked that the boy that had been so apathetic for so long was showing so much right now.

Suddenly Draco stopped, dropping the fork in Harry's lap and eyes widening.

He looked at Harry.

"Draco? Tell me why you did that to yourself?"

"I...I don't know..."

Harry sat for a second before dropped Draco's wrist.

He realize he may never know what was wrong with Draco. He wouldn't allow a medi wizard within a foot of him and would only speak to him.

"I need to take a shower."

Draco said standing. Still dripping wet from the one he had just taken.

"Your clothes are sitting on the bed."

Needless to say after that incident Harry had to be in the room when Draco ate. Some days he'd go from eating 2 to 3 plates of food in one sitting to...nothing for almost a week.

Some days he'd freak if Harry so much as walked quickly at him...and then there were the awkward situations.

"Harry..." Draco mumbled to the boy sitting at the other end of his bed eating, while Draco himself ignored his food.

"..y...yes?" Harry stuttered finding it odd that Draco would call him so familiarly.

He crawled over to Harry across the bed, one of the shoulders of his ridiculously loose shirt slipping off his shoulder.

"Why can't I eat alone anymore?"

'He wants something..' Harry thought.

"Because you took the fork and hurt yourself with it."

"So" Draco took the plate of food from Harry and the fork from his hand setting it down on the bed.

"That's bad?"

"It helps me think...and sleep and..." He got into Harry's lap, arching his back with one knee on either side of Harry's hips.

He began unbuttoning his shirt. Harry sat in some what shock not knowing what to do. He couldn't push Draco, touching him would send him back days of evolution. He spoke to other people sometimes now. But blocked everyone from touching him what so ever, or seeing him naked. Unlike before when he'd sit in his room wet and naked 24/7.

He slipped the shirt off his shoulders and ran a hand down his pale boney chest.

"and I...well" He put a hand on the back of Harry's neck and moved his lips to right next to Harry's ear, whispering.

"I can't get off without it." He swished his hips seductively sitting in Harry's lap and licking his ear lobe.

"D..DDraco. Stop. Come on. I can't do that I..ugh" He moaned a little as Draco moved his lips down to his neck.

'what do I do what do I do what do I do...'

"Anything metal come on." Draco whispered into the nape of Harry's neck.

"Draco, come on, move. I can't do this. This isn't you. You..ah Dra...ngh"

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and pressed his hips down into Harry's rough jeaned crotch.

"Hurt me?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"I want to remember..." Draco mumbled and Harry realized some of the wetness on his neck was too warm to be saliva... and it was dripping onto him.

"What happened to you?"

Harry put his hands on Draco's waist and the boy violently flinched away.

"I don't know...I'm going to take a shower..get out" Draco mumbled hastily getting off the bed and dashing to the bathroom.

As Harry walked down to the kitchens holding a plate full of food and one half eaten. He realized just how manipulative and yet completely defective Draco had become. The realization that the boy had two personalities, and had no control over when they came and went confused him. But the fact that he could lie so vividly about which one he was in, as long as he was in control, hadn't been so apparent until he put the plates down in the sink and the house elf weakly murrmered,

"Master Harry Potter sir? Where is the other fork?"

"Unbelievable..." Harry mumbled.

Weeks passed with Draco fluidly going in between the two Draco's.

Shy, meek, weak, out of control, victimized. And strong, in control, over sexed, and manipulative. Neither of them actually seemed to know 100 what was going on at the time though.

Until one day Draco busted out of his room, down the stairs and snatched up a piece of parchment and a quil from Hermione. He quickly scribbled down some names, addresses, and item names that he marched up to Mcgonagall and slapped down on her desk.

"Every-one's names who are still alive. Where they have dark artifacts or their death eater attire and what items are where."

She sat there staring at the paper for a while.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Can I leave?"

She tapped her fingers in the desk and removed her glasses.

"I suppose so..."

The next morning Harry went into Draco's room to give him breakfast and came into an empty room.

However. On the very edge of the bed. A slightly blackened fork sat. Waiting to be picked up.


	2. flames

It had been 2 monthes since Harry found out that Draco left. And he had been more than confused. No one knew exactly what happened to Draco. But what they did find out was that It was only about 3 weeks.

The symptoms he gave off were just too common. Any kind of torture could've made him like that、 and Harry DID do his research.

They cross examined all the prisoners in that particular ward and the rest they could find. And everyone left Hogwarts to return to their own homes and do their own damage control.

Harry strode down to knockturn alley to get some... ingredients for Lupins potion. With Snape dead, Harry offered to make them for Lupin. He was walking into a slightly more disturbing area where even less people walked around. He skimmed over the store signs trying to find the one he thought he had heard Snape mention before when he heard some scuffling around the corner of an abandon building.

"You're terribly pretty." Whoever he was he had a deep, slimey voice that reminded Harry of Snape when he thought he was getting away with something. He could hear the smirk in his tone.

"Stop it"... That one sounded familiar.

Harry walked up to the building and peered around the corner. A flurry of rapid hand movements and clothes ruffling as a tall muscular man attempted to remove a baggy shirt from a small pale frame.

"Get off of me, you're disgusting."  
"Ooh... feisty. I'm gunna like this" He saw the man smile and press his body into the smaller mans. Finally moving his broad shoulders enough to allow Harry to see the victims face.

"I'm telling you to stop" Draco demanded.  
"You were always my favourite." The large man smied broadly and roughly shoved his hand down the front of Draco's pants. Draco visibly went rigid and whipped out his wand, pointing it straight at the mans head.

"CRUCIO"  
He slipped down to the floor in convulsions and seizures, mouth agape in a silent scream as Draco watched with a, somewhat sick, amusement.  
"Draco, NO!" Harry demanded sprinting over to him and pushing him back into the wall.  
Draco's glare moved from the man on the ground, who suddenly ceased all movement, to Harry before his eyes nearly popped out of his skull from widening so much.

Harry, feeling an erection pressed into his thigh, moved back. Draco slipped to the ground and held his head.

"Wh..where have you been?" Harry asked awkwardly.  
"..around" Draco mumbled to the ground. He pulled a cheap looking over coat around him, hands in the pockets, pulling his knees into himself and appearing self conscious.

"I know you didn't go to the mansion...It isn't even there anymore..Where'd you get money?"  
"The family money is still there..."

He sat there, in awkward silence, until Draco realized his shirt was half off and shrugged it back on. He obviously disliked the feeling of cloth against his skin.

"You wanna... you wanna go get lunch or something?" Harry offered weakly. He had no idea what to do.

Draco stared at him blankly.  
"Ok look... Come back to my house? I mean... what the hell even just happened here? Who was that?"

"I was trying to buy some dark ingredients for a potion" Draco began walking around the building.  
"Where do you live?" He asked over his shoulder to Harry.  
"Here" Harry extended his hand.  
"Just hold on."  
Draco turned around and looked at him for a moment. It made Harry nervous. He didn't know exactly which Draco this was.  
The blonde walked up to Harry wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on Harry's.  
Harry tensed a little. This clearly wasn't the whore-ish Draco, but it wasn't exactly the meek one either.

Harry apparated them to his bedroom, where he had all his bandages and whatnot to make sure Draco was ok.

"Are you injur..." Harry stopped mid sentence turning around and looking at Draco.  
"Do you still..."  
"You are having issues forming sentences today aren't you?" Draco sat down on the edge of Harry's bed and smiled at him. That sexy 'I'm about to make you very uncomfortable' smile that Harry got to see a few times. It was more of a smirk now that he thought about it... A very sexy smirk when it's wanted, actually.

Draco shrugged off his tan overcoat onto the bed and straightened his loose green collard shirt with one hand, the other running through his hair. He rolled up the sleeves, closing his eyes as he gently touched his fingers to his bicep. The part of his arm that was most scarred out of all the lily white tissue of the lithe limb. So many scars. He went over one that was not yet a scar, but an open wound. Harry thought it looked like a burn. A long one that went from his shoulder to the inside of his elbow. Probably the reason he was wearing a long sleeved shirt when it was warm outside.

"Yes" He said smirking,  
"I am still..." He put an emphasis on the silence Harry had left there earlier.

"Why? Do you want to kiss it and make it better?" He laughed.

Harry pulled out his little first aid kit. Walking over to Draco without looking at the boys face.

"Why do you do that Draco?"  
"I told you, _Harry_. I can't get off without it." He let the boys first name roll of his tongue as if he was speaking of a child...or maybe a chocolate he was particularly fond of, in a bad way.  
"No. You told me you wanted to remember." 

Draco's hand stopped mid stroke.

"No" He corrected Harry.  
"There's nothing I want to remember... Why?"

Harry looked at him through the corner of his eye. He could see that Draco was at that in between place. Somewhere between scared Draco and horny Draco.

"I...can I take a shower?"

Harry stood up straight, abandoning his box of bandages for his closet where he retrieved a towel for Draco and directed him to the bathroom.

"I smell like...that disgusting man..." Draco mumbled, walking, eyes trained on the floor.

As soon as the door clicked Draco disintigrated to a pile of shivering mess on the floor. He crawled over to the shower turning on the water and waited for steam before he stood and stripped himself of the baggy shirt and overcoat. Leaving on his tighter blue jeans and standing in front of the mirror.

He touched his reflections chest in the mirror and shivered a little at the cold. He didn't like cold. He touched his own chest where he was touching the reflection, right at the top of a scar that went from right collar bone to bottom of the left side of his ribs. It wasn't really a scar..no. It wasn't healed. Very red, slightly purple. He pressed a little harder and winced, but still pressed as he slithered the boney finger down his chest diagonally. He looked down at the buldge that was still poking out of his jeans and cursed. Why did that happen? He didn't LIKE what was happening to him...he NEVER liked what was happening to him... But his body reacted. Which means he did like it, right? 'Disgusting', kept running through his head.

He removed his jeans, twitching slightly as he pulled the tight fabric over his erection. Tight pants made him feel ...safer? More held together? But shirts would make him feel as if he was suffocating. Or what he used to feel. Back there, in the dark. That fabric that would rub across his bare chest. It always scared him because he knew what was going to happen.

He pulled off his boxers and stepped into the shower.

He winced as the steaming hot water hit him, whipping and burning him. He relaxed, letting out a low moan. The man had left him with a problem that needed solving. He needed to do something about it. He welcomed the burn as red lines started to swell on him where the water was running down his body and his hand miandered down to his erection. Every stroke he'd turn the cold water off a little bit more. He'd have to shower here more often. The water here got much hotter than down at the leaky cauldren. And it took a lot longer at the shabby motel. He shivered a bit as his shoulders started to go numb from the pain and he got a tighter grip on his member, stroking faster and gruntmoaning as the water nearly cut him. He was trying to be as quiet as possible. But he had gotten to know his body again after they ...found him. He knew now that if he didn't do something about this rather pressing matter it wouldn't go away, but only get worse and more importantly, cause him to think about things he really didn't wish to remember. On top of...sometimes he just plain acted _weird_ and in this condition it seemed to worsen. A few weeks ago he almost randomly had sex with this man he had been doing business with in attempts to get his ingredients. Simply because the man called him beautiful and complimented him. It made him feel nice. Like he was worth something again. Not that he had ever been worth anything, really. And nowhere near as good as that burn he was feeling down his chest as the hot water ripped at his wounds.

_"Flagrate" someone hissed. Draco screamed at the top of his lungs as the tip of a wand created lines of fire down his thighs, over his chest, on his face. Simulatneously someone trailed their mouth down his side and slipped a finger inside of him forcing him to arch his back up, and his chest into the burn producing wand. Seering, white hot pain. And just enough light to see sickly pale skin, nearly blue, and a slightly larger body. Someone roughly grabbed his cock, jerking it several times with a painful grip as he grouped around trying to grab at something, anything to make it all stop. Finally grasping clothe, he pulled. Getting in return a sharp cut acrossed his hand and someone biting his neck and mumbling in his ear to fight harder because that meant he liked it._

In a matter of seconds Draco found himself cumming and nearly screaming as it felt like his foreskin was being burnt off from the temperature of the water running down it. Muslce spasms running through him and ripping the orgasm out of him.

"AH, STOP" He screamed, quickly followed by a whimper.  
"no..uh" He slowed his strokes as the images left him and the pleasure slipped away. Leaving him standing under burning hot water.

He shreaked and scrambled to move back from the stream of water, slipping and falling into the tub, smacking his head against the wall on his way down.

Harry came bursting in, in what felt like to Draco, was a matter of seconds after he fell.

Harry ran up to the shower yelling "are you ok?" and ripping the curtain back. He stood there in shock for a second after enough steam had left the room for him to see that Draco was lying on the bottom of the tub, face pressed into the tub, fingers digging into the tile wall, sobbing his eyes out.

Oh and he was covered in blisters and streaked with red and purple, making the pre-existing scars and wounds pop out in 4D.

Harry quickly switched the water off and levitated Draco, not wanting to further the damage, across the hall and to his bedroom. He lied him down on the bed and stood over Draco. The second he raised his hand and got the first syllable of the healing charm out of his mouth Draco raised his hand and shrieked,  
"NO"  
Harry stopped, once again shocked.

"Malfoy, I'm not going to hurt you. Just let me heal you."  
"No, I did it myself. It's fine." Draco pushed himself up on his elbows, violently shaking and all sorts of red. He began to sit up and blisters popped and old scars reopened. He squeeled, but continued to sit up.

Harry pushed him back down and quickly healed him before Draco had a chance to complain.

" Episkey".  
The broken flesh was mended. But he was still red. And obviously not of good mental health.

Draco glared up at him,  
"Why the fuck did you do that for! I told you NOT to!"  
"I wasn't gunna let you sit here and bleed on my bed!"  
"You bloody PUT me on it you prick" He went to stand, obviously still over heated, and passed out. Right back onto the bed.

Harry took the liberty of dressing him while he dipped in and out of consciousness not saying a word, but getting very rigid the times he was awake enough to realize someone was touching him. After Harry had gotten some water in him and put a few ice packs on him he stopped shaking and got quite a bit less red. Harry sat on the bed next to him and watched the sun go down out his window.

The blonde rolled over, knocking an icebag onto Harry's crotch and wrapping his arms around Harry's waist. Harry jumped, smacking his hip into Draco's head as he did a little yelping dance to get the ice packs off of his restricted areas. Draco woke up and stared oddly at Harry while the boy threw the icepack across the room, cursing it to unmentionable places.

He began to sit up, feeling quite a bit better. But sore none the less. He slowly swung his feet off the bed and stretched as Harry walked in front of him and said,  
"I got you cooled down...you should feel better now,"  
"I wasn't bad to begin with" Draco snipped.  
"... Malfoy you were bright red and bleeding...why on earth do you do that to yourself? I heard you SCREAMING"  
Draco turned his eyes to the floor and hung his head,  
"I had to get that..man off of me."  
"You didn't even smell like him...you smell rather nice actually..."  
Draco's head snapped up,  
"I could still feel his hands. I needed him OFF of me" He spat at Harry before his eyes widened and he started looking around the room for his shoes,  
"I..I n-need to go home" He looked panic stricken and started darting around the room for his shoes.

Harry caught him mid stride by the shoulders, and as per usual, the boy threw a fit. Shoving Harry back and pulling at his own hair before stumbling back onto the bed and pulling his knees into his chest. His apparent favourite position.  
Harry walked up to the bed, kneeled on his knees and pulled Draco's hands away from his face.  
"Where are my shoes" Draco weakly mumbled face in his knees.  
"Why don't you stay here tonight?"

Draco looked up at him like he had just smacked him with a cold fish.  
Harry reached foreward wrapping his arms around Draco.  
"Stop it" Draco wiggled and pulled.  
"No...come on...just stay here tonight? Just one night..." Harry laughed. The vibration from his chest shaking Draco's head.  
"Sounds crazy but, I worry about you, you know? I couldn't sleep right for weeks after you just left like that."  
Draco loosened up a bit. Relaxing a little in his arms. Yet another transition between what made him comfortable and miserably terrified.  
He nodded yes. For what reason he could not tell you. Reaching his own arms around Harry's broad shoulders and burrying his face in the nape of Harry's neck. To much of both of their suprise.

"I think...that some things your mind allows you to forget. Not because it was too traumatic to handle, just out of courtesy." Harry mumbled into the side of Draco's head.  
"..Somethings..." Draco mumbled into Harry's neck as he scooted closer, slipping a hand into Harry's hair,  
"Are better left forgotten..."


	3. scars

TITLE: Burn Me Alive. (this being part 3 is called scars)

AUTHOR: Slashychick666

RATING: R

WARNING: rape trauma syndrome, post traumatic stress disorder, self mutilation, my general ability to write at 3 am... oh and it's unbeta'd at the moment because I can't keep stories on my comp because other people use it. When I receive it beta'd from my..beta XD I'll edit it!

A/N: School is OOOVEERRR 3333 So I can write more now.

As he sat there, arms wrapped around the boy, he felt Draco lean back slightly.

'Some things are better left forgotten.' rang through Harry's head. What was Draco so eager to remember while fighting to forget.

"Are you tired?", Draco asked, pulling his face back to look at Harry. So close. Maybe too close?

Was Draco maddeningly uncomfortable yet? When would he become so? He was so close... Harry felt every exhale whisp over his own lips. Something akin to a magnetic pull seemed to make the face get closer.

"Potter?"

Harry snapped back to reality.

"Yea...yea, I have several guest rooms. You can just pick one."

Draco went riggid and looked away,slightly widened eyes trained to the floor. His arms still around Harry's neck, one hand in his hair. Harry's hands still linked, resting on Draco's mid-back.

"Do you not want to sleep alone?"

Draco didn't answer, he was too lost in his own thoughts. Why was he so needy to keep the contact between the two of them?

Because it felt good. Not the way Harry was touching him, but being touched. Threat free.

Harry retrieved one of his arms, these thoughtful moments being the best times to ask questions. He pushed Draco back a bit and lightly nudged his chin up so that Draco was looking at him. That deer in the headlights look written all over his face. He looked maybe as if he wanted to cry..or maybe scream? Kill him? Something drastic.

"Why do you hurt yourself like that Draco? You could've been seriously injured..hell you were seriously injured!"

Draco pulled his face back. Didn't want to talk about it.

"I told you, I have to."

"Why!" Harry found himself getting very tired of that answer.

"I don't bloody know Potter! Why don't you have to do it? Why are you so close to me right now? Why'd your parents have to die? Why did you have to lead the war? Not everything makes sense. Some of us are just born like that."

"You were not born this way Draco. You were lying on the bottom of my tub sobbing! Something is not ok here, you're covered in scars."

"Are you not?" Draco spat at him dropping his arms from Harry's neck.

"You want to tell me you went through a war as first line of defence and got away with no scars? I hardly think your skin is perfect under those clothes."

Harry sighed, slowly standing from his knees and rubbing them as they stung and caught while trying to straighten them. He hobbled over to the closet to get Draco sheets.

"I didn't cause my own scars. Others inflicted them on me. I had no chice." Harry plainly stated as if it was obvious and different.

"So now your imperfections are better than mine? I suppose next you'll be telling me you cry better or you piss in a straighter line? I didn't cause all of mine either Potter and I had no choice. I hate all of them, and I remember every-single-one. Arrogant prick." Draco wrapped his arms around himself, fists clinching on his shirt.

Harry stopped mid step towards Draco, this was it, this was his chance. This was the good old Draco. The one so eager to point out how much more whatever he was than Harry.

He glided over to the bed, setting down the sheets and pulling his shirt over his head.

"Potter what ARE you doing! Put your clothes back on this insta-"

"Sectumsempra" Harry stated, running four fingers over slash marks that went over his abdomin, as if he had been scratched.

"The one I got you with only caused one cut. Imagine 4 at once?"

Draco sat there for a second. Dumbfounded.

"You think this is a competition?"

Harry smirked,

"No, I'm just saying. My scars have pretty greusome stories behind them, thought you might be interested."

"Potter, your pain not only disinterests me, but nothing you could possibly say could be any worse than personal experiences of mine."

Harry pointed to his rib cage where a purple scar stuck out all the way around his left side,

"Crucio made my muscles tense so badly that I snapped a rib in half. Had to go to a muggle hospital and have screws and plates put in. You ever broken anything?"

Draco sat for a second, contemplating...something. He unbuttoned his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders. Now that Harry wasn't either attempting to look everywhere but his body, or keep the boy alive, he realized just how scarred up he really was. He watched as Draco ran a hand acrossed his ribs.

"I've broken all of them...several much more than once. My right wrist has been snapped at least 3 times, my forearm..I really have no idea exactly which bones have been broken twice each." He ran a hand up his arm, then one across a pointed clavical.

"Right collar bone once, left one 5 times." He ran a hand the hand from his arm to his chest then clavical followed by his neck and jaw line. Harry watched as the delicate fingers miticulously ran there way up to his forehead and slid down.

"Nose...I don't even know how many times" acrossed his cheeks,

"Zygomatic arch...more than 8", back down his jaw,

"Jaw...upwards of 20"

Harry stood for a second, attempting to absorb the information. Try to imagine what on earth could cause so much damage for the 3 or less weeks he could've been there.

"You're lying?"

Draco's eyes went wide.

"What?"

"There's no way...no bloody way that you could break that many things and not have bled out or at the very least still have some things broken right now. When we checked you, you had a broken rib that could've just been a fracture and a lot of bruises?"

Draco's eyes narrowed.

"They healed me afterwards so they could just keep going. Not all the time mind you, quite often they'd leave the wrists broken so I couldn't do anything violently towards them..." Draco cut off sharply. Images running wild through his mind. He covered his face with his hands and shook his head 'no' trying to clear them.

"STOP" Draco screamed, feeling as if his insides were turning to mush under the weight of the man on top of him.

"You're going to crush me you obese-" A fist collided with his face. Draco whimpered and turned his head spitting blood as the large mans robe roughly scraped across Draco's chest making him squirm and violently pull in the other direction. This earned him the mans large hand around his tiny wrist which snapped like a twig under his tight grip. Draco screamed to the point where, sometimes he wondered if he'd actually break his vocal cords. The man laughed his deep, scratchy laugh.

"Disgusting" Draco panted pulling the broken arm onto his chest,

"Evil, wretched, pervert." The man scraped Draco's back across the floor with the force of him entering the boy, earning another earshattering scream.

"Talk dirty to me Draco" The man gruffly mumbled in his ear as he thrust in and out of him.

"I love it when you act like you don't enjoy it"

"I don't" Draco mumbled, hands in his hair.

"I don't like it." He violently shook his head no, curled into a ball on the edge of the bed rocking back and forth.

Harry walked up, arms outstretched to remove Draco's hands,

"Draco-" his hand touched one of the one's on Draco's head, causing Draco to grab Harry's arm and start flapping his limbs. Smacking Harry several times, getting him in the stomach once, and once squarely in the eye.

Harry finally just shoved Draco down on the bed and straddled him, pinning his arms down by the wrist and placing his knees on his biceps. Draco apparently didn't like this position as he flailed and writhed to the point of exhaustion for both of them. He screamed obscenities and wishes that this would all stop and how and why. As he slowed down Harry leaned down and whispered in his ear,

"People hurt you?"

Draco nodded, trying to catch his breath and still trying to pull his arms away from Harry's grasp.

"And they tried to make you think you liked it?"

Draco stilled for a moment, he pushed his hips upwards into Harry's groin, catching the boy of guard but not getting him to jump off of Draco.

"I do like it" Draco groaned.

He picked his head up, straining his neck and colliding his lips with Harry's. This did, however, throw Harry completely off. Teeth smashed together and Harry was sure he'd have a fat lip tomorrow. But for some reason, a second later when they pulled apart for air, still gasping from the earlier struggle, they both returned open mouthed. Tongues at the ready. Harry moved his hands from Draco's wrists to the sides of his head, pushing the boys face even closer to his as he moaned into Draco's mouth as Draco dug his nails into Harry's back. The level of desperation the two of them shared as one sucked on the others tongue was maddening. Draco ran his hands down Harry's back and the boy disconnected their mouthes long enough to scream,

"Ah, fuck, Draco that hurts." Which Draco dutifully ignored, removing his hands from Harry's back and ripping his glasses off his face so they could get closer.

Tongues lapped around in eachothers mouthes, several times escaping to Draco's neck or nibbling on Harry's collar bone. An overly viscious bite made Harry howel, not for long before Draco's mouth once again took presidence over breathing. Writhing underneathe Harry as he pushed his hips up, begging for friction.

"Hurt me Harry", Draco growled into the brunettes mouth, grabbing one of Harry's hands and making it form a claw as he clamped his mouth back over Harry's, taking that claw and ripping it down his own chest.

Harry decided the feeling of having Draco orgasmically moan into his mouth was probably the best thing he could ever experience, as he took his hand and put it on Draco's back, digging his nails in and slowly dragging them down as Draco screamed into Harry's mouth. Draco pulled his face away, thudding his head back on the bed and violently jerking it to the side as Harry's nails continued down his back, arching his entire body upwards into Harry's, mouth agape in a silent scream as odd squeeks came out, along with whimpers and begs for more.

Harry removed his hand from Draco's back, reaching down to turn Draco's face back towards his. Catching a glance at his burred hand, the fuzzy tips of his fingers tinted in an unatural colour that couldn't have been caused just by his lack of glasses.

"We can't do this..." He gargled out.

Draco opened his eyes, turning his head to face Harry and then following his glance to the barely pink tipped fingers.

"It's just a little blood, come on" He took Harry's hand slipping one of the fingers into his mouth, sucking away the blood. Harry jerked back his hand, making Draco jerk away and cover his face.

"We can't do this Draco." Harry said shakily sitting up.

"Not until you're better...at the very least..."

Draco moved his arms from his face, mouth slightly open in shock and obviously hurt. He stared at Harry for a second until Harry looked back.

"But..." Draco blinked a few times, looking like he wanted to cry,

"I'm not sick..." He furrowed his brow.

"You will regret what just happened in the morning and I'm sorry I didn't stop you to begin with." Harry said getting off of Draco causing the boy to shiver at the sudden temperature drop.

Harry watched as Draco closed his eyes, face scrunched up slightly, and wrapped his arms around himself.

"That's not why..."

"What? Then why?" Harry said through his shirt as he slipped it back over his head.

"You're disgusted by me" Draco bit his lip, digging his own fingers into his sides.

"You look at me and know. Everyone knows. They know what happened, they know what I let happen. And they're disgusted. Just like you" Draco whispered, sitting up with his arms still wrapped around himself as he stood to get his shirt shaking his head 'no'.

"Draco, I have no idea what happened to you, and I most certainly am not disgusted by you...-"

He heard the door click as Draco walked out, shirt and sheets in hand.


	4. words

Harry stood there after Draco had closed the door, and he had given the typical and required "Draco, wait?". He looked down at his hand, tinted pink on his finger tips. Somewhat mesmerized by the fact that it had gone from a vibrant red to a reddish brown so quickly.

He touched his fingertips to his lips, trying desperately to call back the memory of what it felt like to hurt him like that. How it didn't seem to phase him when he felt the slow vibrations of Draco's low moan in his mouth. How Draco had arched up and Harry nearly died when he felt Draco's ribs sharply point into his own, more muscular torso. He ran his hand down his own ribcage, as if maybe he would feel Draco again.

How had he been able to hurt him like that so easily. Harry opened his eyes and looked back down at his hand. That was quite possibly the very last thing in the world that Draco needed right now. Someone to further confuse him by hurting him AND making him feel good at the same time...Harry himself happened to not need to feel like he was to protect or baby anyone after taking care of essentially everyone during the war. Or did he?

What posessed him to swipe his tongue over his finger tip to _taste_ what it was that was causing him all this worry, and Draco so much pleasure, he will never know.

Salt, copper, something else... It was like a penny. His mouth warmed the flavour as it slid down his throat and he closed his eyes again, imagining it was Draco's back he was licking and not his hand. He'd busted out teeth when he was younger, sure. He had tasted blood. But his didn't taste like this. It was almost _sweet_. He sucked on his fingertip, attempting to get the rest off.

His self enduced high was interupted by the sound of furniture being knocked over down-stairs and Draco screaming.

Harry grabbed his wand off the dresser and slid out the door, sprinting down the stairs. Dark...who was wandering around his house with no lights on? And where the fuck was Draco?

"W-who's there" Draco managed to squeek out from...Harry decided was behind a chair near the kitchen door.

Harry flipped the light switch in the hallway and saw Draco sitting, in his normal knees to chest position, foot rest tipped over.

"Oh...I don't have my wand..."  
"Electricity" Harry laughed

"It's muggle, just flip this up" He walked over offering Draco a hand to help him up.

Draco looked at the hand and then up at Harry, obviously not too thrilled with the boy.

"You don't have to help me" Draco mumbled standing up and dusting himself off.

"What were you doing down here?" Harry took his hand back and ran it through his hair.

Draco eyed the kitchen,

"You weren't going to get food by any chance" Harry asked with a worried look on his face.

Draco just smirked.

"Am I going to have to remove all the utensils from the house?"  
"I'm not a child!"  
"You're going to end up making more wounds than I can heal!!! Or do you not remember the shower."  
Draco put a hand on his hip and quirked an eyebrow at the brunette,  
"You're _creating_ a few for me." He said turning to look over his shoulder at his back and pulled his shirt up a bit.

Harry shivered,

"Look, I told you, I'm not going to hurt you. I don't know what happend but it wont happen again."  
"Shut up!" Draco snapped.

"I'd much rather you hurt me. He didn't hurt me... Physically... He was the worst..I hated him the most." Draco snarled at Harry, walking up to get in Harry's face.

"He'd be gentle, never burn me or cut me or anything, just wait until I was completely broken by everyone else and make sure that some disgusting little part of me actually WANTED it. Tell me he'd love me... I hated that and it will never happen again."

Harry's eyes widened as it all clicked in his head.

"No... Draco...they-"  
"I can't sleep by myself...or in the dark. So I'm going to stay up. You don't have to." Draco said sharply, realizing what he'd just said.

"Draco, there are things that need to be done...tests and stuff... I could take you to-"  
"Piss off, not your problem" Draco said scrunching his nose and tossing his head to one side to give Harry a scrutinizing look.

"You don't know anything." Draco mumbled.

Harry took a step back, not finding himself entirely appreciative of the closeness.

"My hands are dirty..." Harry muttered look over his shoulder behind the stairs.

"What?"  
"My hands...my hands are dirty, you should let me clean your back. Or you can do it. But the scratches aren't sanitary. I had them in the dirt earlier today. If it gets infected it'll need treatment and you'll get sick and it'll hurt more, just a big avoidable mess" Harry looked back at Draco.

"I've had open wounds in dirtier environments."

Harry sucked in breath and his eyes sunk in at Draco's words.

"Please. I'll be guilty if you end up sick."  
"Ah, the truth. That's what I like to hear." Draco smirked and walked up the stairs and into the bathroom he had been showering in earlier. The floor was still wet.

Draco sat on the edge of the tub as Harry miandered around, picking up cotton balls and a black bottle made out of something he didn't recognize, filled with something he didn't recognize.

"Is that going to sting?"  
"No. It bubbles and tickles" Harry smiled, tipping the bottle forewards to get the cotton ball wet as Draco pulled his shirt up. The scratches were diagonal and followed his ribs.

"You still have blood on your hand." Draco smirked, as if this was some form of triumph.

If Harry had any common sense left, or possibly some form of mind, maybe he would've cleaned his hand off right there instead of hiding it behind his back.

"So, how many peoples lives did you save in the war? How many evil people do you think you helped survive"  
"What kind of question is that?" Harry asked dabbing at Draco's back.

The blonde hissed and flinched away,

"It's cold...I don't like it."

"I'm not the one who decides who lives and who dies. It was no form of noble deed. Everyone likes to think I'm some amazingly daring person, but really I did it to avenge my parents and save my own arse..." Harry cast a warming charm into the cotton ball and continued.

Draco spun around, catching Harry off guard and grabbed a fistful of his hair.

"How many times did you wish you could just hurt someone?" Draco smirked when Harry dropped the bottle and a fizzy puddle began forming amongst the water.

"Have you ever _really_ wanted control? To just...DAMAGE someone?"

Harry grabbed Draco's wrist, and before he had any time to put pressure on it the skinny boy yanked his hand back, cradling it to his chest and putting his head down.

Not a good palce to touch, Harry noted.

"I wont hurt you Draco."  
"I want you to you twat!"

Harry just sighed.

They sat for a second in silence before Draco started rubbing his face, leaning against the wall to his right and bringing his knees up to his chest.

"You taste like thyme..."  
"..what?"  
"You taste like thyme. Or maybe basil." He leaned his head back on the wall and closed his eyes while he touched his own lips.

"Maybe it's grass I don't know" He chuckled.

"Something earthy, for some reason I imagined you'd taste like cinammon. Something sweet," He paused for a moment and Harry just sat and watched him. Running that slender finger acrossed his lips with his eyes closed.

Such an insecure stance for how secure he seemed now.

"He tasted like wine" Draco dropped his hand and flicked his tongue over his lips swallowing.

"Fine...aged..._expensive_, white wine" He smiled a little.

"And cigarettes. Some specific flavour or something. You know the special kind." He opened his eyes and swivled his head to look at Harry.

"At least that's what his mouth tasted like" He said with a smirk as he watched Harry's eyes widen and his stomach turn.

"From the way he felt and his voice..I'd say he was in his early fourties. He always tasted like soap. Although I have no idea why he'd SHOWER just to fuck me." Draco laughed dryly.

"He was salty. Really salty. And thick. It was really hard to swallow."

Harry put a hand over his mouth and scrunched his eyes shut.

"Stop..."  
"Oh, he was good too. He'd come right at the crack of dawn. There was a crack in one wall and sometimes I could see light come through." He smiled warmly.

"He'd make sure I was good and broken and whisper the healing charms in my hair or my neck, tease me. He really made sure I wanted it. He's the only one who would stretch me first. The only one who used lube of any sort, or a condom. Terribly responsible man."

Harry started shaking his head no.

"So gentle, he had hands like silk and would take his shirt off if he thought I wanted him to." Draco ran his hands down his chest, bumping his fingers along is ribs.

"I could tell he was beautiful, but I never saw his face. He'd ask me if I loved him every once in a while...Sometimes I'd say yes. I'd always say it when he made me cum." Draco cackled reaching between his legs to rub his erection through his pants.

"He always made sure I came. Made sure I liked it. He wouldn't just roll me over and fuck me. No, sometimes he'd suck me off or just touch me for a while. He'd nearly blow his load if I asked him to fuck me."

"Stop it Draco" Harry said as tears stung the corners of his eyes.

Draco just laughed.

"He was good. Mmm I still remember the first few times, I could tell he was looking at me oddly and he'd tip my face over to his and ask if he needed to hurt me so I could cum." Draco started rubbing faster and arched his back up into his own touch as he ran a hand up his torso to stroke his face and his legs fell open. One inside the tub and one out.

"He made me call him daddy though" Draco laughed.

"He wasn't my father, but I did." Draco let out a few loose grunts and hummed in pleasure at the memory.

"He didn't like hurting me, but he had to or else I wouldn't get off! He didn't like that. So he'd bite me." Draco scraped his nails across his neck before stopping both of his hands and dropping them to his sides.

"I hated him the _most_" He smiled at Harry who had, some time ago, leaned his back against the wall and covered his face.

"Please don't compair me to him." Harry whispered.

"How could I! You taste different. I never saw what he looked like." Draco laughed again.

Harry just shook his head no and walked up to Draco, sitting on his knees so he could be eye level.

He leaned in close and tipped his head as if he was going to kiss Draco but stopped sharp and put his hands on Draco's hips, digging his fingernails into them.

"I do want to hurt you." Harry whispered, panic written all over his face as the first tear finally made it's way out of his eye.

"But I wont...EVER" He gritted through his teeth.

Draco just looked at him with a stoney expression.

Harry took one of his hands off of Draco's hip to slip it into the hair on the back of Draco's head as he leaned foreward the extra centimeter to make their lips meet. Licking acrossed Draco's lips through the small slit in his own, gently cupping the other side of Draco's face as the blonde opened his mouth and tipped his head to the other side and their tongues swiped acrossed eachother and their mouthes closed before opening in the next breath.

"You're beautiful"

Harry mumbled in Draco's mouth before breaking the kiss.

"I'm not going to hurt you."  
He wrapped his arms around Draco's shoulders.

Draco just smirked and grunted before wrapping his own arms around Harry's waist.


	5. addictions

I'm very very sorry about the big lapse in updates. I had to deal with a death in the family and a relationship collapsing and all that jazz. So here's a chapter so you all know the story isn't dead !

I want to be your cigarette.

Inhale me deeply. Blissfully cancerous, and calmly aware.

After that one particularly greusome moment, Harry just backed away and told Draco he'd give him a sleep aid and promised him he wouldn't be attacked with Harry right there.

He'd won a bloody war against Voldemort and they were in an invisible house, how much safer could the situation be?

As he scurried around his house looking for some form of potion to just knock them both out, because honestly he didn't want to think for two seconds about what Draco had said earlier. He started formulating all these questions. Realizing he had some sick need to know more about what happened. Who these people were, could he kill them, were they already dead?

Why was he so upset this happened. Why was he hurt Draco hadn't told him. Several other things Draco himself probably could not answer. He felt like he had ice running through him, and somewhat as if his chest had filled with cement, why was he even in this position? Looking for sleep potions for a rape and torture victim who he'd really just love to tear into. He outwardly twitched at that thought.

When he finally walked back into the bedroom, he was shocked to find Draco standing and looking out of the window. Not curled in the fetal position in a corner of his bed shaking and sweating.

Draco looked over his shoulder at Harry...or at least the general direction of Harry. Eyes slipped down to the floor as soon as they skipped over Harry's.

Ah, normal Draco again.

Harry slowly walked over to him and handed him the thin tube filled with fizzy grape flavoured something or other to make him sleep. Oddly enough, the sleeping potions never tasted bad. Draco just snatched it out of Harry's hand and turned around again. Gulping it down, and turning back around to hand it to Harry. Obviously changing his mind as he looked up at Harry, straight in the eyes for the first time since his odd display in the bathroom. Harry reached a hand out, avoiding Draco's eyes and waiting for the tube to be placed in his hand. Draco squinted his eyes and curled his lip before tightening his grip on the tube and smashing it to the floor. Turning back around to the window, arms folded. Harry just stood there, eyes wide and hand still outstretched and waiting for the tube.

"Right...So, you're mad at me then?"

As Draco turned around to shoot Harry his best death glare the room seemed to turn in slow motion. Maybe he just turned too fast? Harry saw the luster in Draco's eyes fade and become dull and hollow as his knee's buckled slightly and the brunette swooped an arm around his waist and wrapped the blondes other arm around his own shoulders.

"Bugger...You prat..."  
Harry just shook his head and dragged him off to bed, having to nudge him over and tuck him in. He lied down next to Draco and the dosed man turned his head a little and rolled his eyes up at Harry.

"You know something..."  
"No, what?" Harry asked leaning a little closer to Draco's face so he could hear the whispers.

Draco flopped a hand up and rested it on the back of Harry's neck.

"I want to be your cigarette."  
Draco mumbled as his limp hand sipped down the side of Harry's face and loose fingers fumbled with his jaw line.

Harry just chuckled,

"You, are drugged Draco." He laughed.

Draco scrunched up his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes,

"No...no, I do..." he wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled until the boy, willingly or other wise, was leaning straight over him and their noses brushed.

Draco looked at him beggingly...Something was obviously terribly hard about whatever was going on in his head.

"I want..."  
Harry's eyebrows furrowed this time. What the hell was Draco babbling about?

"What do you want?" He mumbled in a soothing voice, leaning down to whisper it into the blondes ear.

Draco's fingers dug into the back of his neck a bit more and he grunted at the sensation of Harry's breath roaming over his ear.

"I want to be your cigarette."Draco repeated seriously.

"I want to be that thing...that dirty secret that you know is bad for you." Harry pulled away completely and stared Draco in the face as the boy mumbled more.

Draco ran one of his hands through his hair.

"I want to be that thing that you know is disgusting but you do it anyways...that habit that you can't break no matter how many people tell you it's bad for you."  
Harry cocked his head to the side and just stared, once again.

"..wha..."  
"I want you to crave me." Looking at Draco, Harry knew this was Draco. Not horny Draco or terrified Draco. This was Malfoy. Drugged, but Malfoy all the same.

"I want you to crave me even when I'm killing part of you..." Harry sat all the way up and Draco reached out a hand to stroke his face.

"Crave me when I'm killing a part of you everytime I make you burn me alive." Draco smirked sitting up on his elbows and only slightly nudging as Harry, nearly trans-like, leaned forward and kissed him gently.

Draco dropped his hand and rolled over to sleep. Leaving Harry to lean up against the wall and cover his face trembling in the understanding of every-single-thing he wanted to do to Draco when he said that.

He snatched his own sleeping potion off the bedside table, leaning over a very knocked out Draco and knocking it back.

More than Happy to feel blurred and woozy as Draco's body curled into his and he wrapped his arms around the slender frame, sleep taking priority over any form of thought or emotion.


	6. weaknesses

The next morning Harry had no idea what to expect. He barely had faith that Draco would even be there. So when he woke to an empty bed, he could hardly call himself suprised.

And when he stumbled out of the empty, yet still warm bed, to find that Draco had just gone to take a shower. He wasn't suprised either.

The blonde walked out of the shower, appearing unharmed. Harry tried to say goodmorning and Draco just ignored him to rummage through Harry's closet and find something he wasn't disgusted by.

"Mad at me?", No response.

The whole day went by like that. Harry making idle chit chat as he would walk into the room Draco was in, with himself of course as Draco would never respond.

Didn't look at Harry, didn't talk to him, didn't acknowledge his presence at all. Just went on with his day as per usual.

After about an hour Harry decided maybe he was embarassed about what he said last night and cornered the boy in the kitchen.

"You know...Draco. You weren't thinking right last night with that sleeping potion and all. So..I mean..I understand if you're."  
Draco looked up, but right past Harry's right ear.

Harry scowled.

"Will you pay attention to me! I'm trying to fix-"  
Draco brushed past Harry and left the kitchen. Leaving Harry to stand there wide eyed, hand still out in mid motion.

Harry quickly spun on his heels to turn and dart out of the kitchen and sprinted up the stairs, catching Draco by the shoulder and slamming him into the wall.

Nothing, absolutely nothing. No hint of Harry's existance. No "ouch" or "what's your problem!".

"Why are you ignoring me Malfoy!"

Draco continued to stare directly past Harry's right ear.

Harry grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, the blondes head flopping backwards in a quick whip smashing against the wall. Or more specifically the corner of a picture, which fell immediately to the ground.

This apparently caught his attention. His eyes snapped up to Harrys' as his hand went to the back of his head to check for blood. Draco dragged his hand acrossed the back of his head and when it finally reached his eye sight, Harry knew he was going to vomit. Blood? How is it he always managed to hurt him so much?  
"Oh god...I'm so sorry Draco-"

Draco smirked and licked the blood off of his middle finger before he balled his fist up and punch Harry squarely in the nose. Harry jerked back grabbing his face and shoving Draco back.

"What the fuck is your problem today!!!"

Draco reared back and punched him again in the jaw. This time Harry retaliated and punched Draco in the stomach. Draco, who oddly enough seemed to be waiting for it as he lifted his hand again and grabbed a fistful of Harry's hair pulling him back and smacking his head into the wall opposite Draco.

Nails, teeth, hair pulling, fists flying. But it was so wrong. So different. Harry had no idea how but, he knew he wasn't angry enough to be beating the shit out of Draco like this. Or vice versa. The whole time Draco looked like he wanted to say something. Spit something out. He was holding it back so much, what was it?

Harry grabbed Draco's hair and pulled him down onto the floor under him, pinning his wrists down with his knees, Draco violently jerked upwards freeing his hands and causing Harry to tighten his grip on his hair and pull down harder to keep him away.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's neck pulling Harry down to him and making a high cat like noise before finally saying,

"ah,,, Harry. Harder?" He moaned straight into Harry's ear as he wrapped his arms around Harry tighter and pulled him closer.

Harry's whole body froze.

He pulled back and looked at the blonde underneath him. Eye's closed, gnawing on his lip as it bled.

"...Is that why you were ignoring me? So I'd hit you?"

Draco opened his eyes and his smile twisted even further causing his lip to bleed more. All the bruises Harry probably just caused. All the pain he just inflicted on him. He fell right into his trap. Was it really even a trap? Harry wasn't even angry and he still started throwing punches.

Harry cupped Draco's face, releasing his hair. And swiped his thumb over Draco's lips.

"Stop biting that it'll open more."

"That's what you want though."

Harry's breath caught in his throat.

"No..it's not."

Draco smirked again and picked his head up, catching Harry's finger in his mouth and sucking the blood off the tip. Affective as it was he just ended up with even more blood on it when it left his mouth. Draco tipped his head back and laughed. Why would that make him so happy?

'He's lost his mind...' Harry thought as Draco quickly stopped laughing and launched himself forward latching his lips onto Harry's.

Harry never took the time out to think about it, but Draco tasted like tears. And for some odd reason, that didn't bother him. Nothing bothered him as he felt Draco tip his head up to just slip his bottom lip into Harry's mouth and he became completely lost in the taste of warm salty pennies. Blood. Thick and hot and alive. Living. That's what he was doing now wasn't it? Not surviving day by day but really LIVING with Draco. He forgot that blood came from wounds and wounds hurt and he caused them. He forgot Draco was ill and didn't need to be further damaged. He forgot that he himself was ill and didn't need to be further pushed in the wrong direction. One that scared him to pieces.

Harry completely ignored the little voice in the back of his head that he was slowly drownding in Draco's blood who told him not to. To stop because he must've been hurting him! After all, wasn't that the point?

Draco whimpered and pressed into Harry more, re-wrapping his arms around him. Harry sat up, Draco in his lap with his legs wrapped around his waist. Hands on Draco's back bracing the boy as Draco slipped his tongue into Harry's mouth, unwrapping his legs and straddling either side of Harry as he began pulling the boy who lived's shirt over his head, breaking the kiss momentarily.

Draco opened his eyes as he began to feel nails diggin into his back to see Harry's eyes were already open, and watching Draco's face very intently.

He moved his mouth down to Harry's neck and bit down as hard as he could, causing Harry to buck his chest out, arching his back and gritting his teeth. Harry couldn't decide what to make of that feeling... In his mind he knew it hurt, he knew teeth and skin meant pain. But at the same time... Not necessarily. Draco cupped the back of Harry's neck and sunk his teeth in even more, finally breaking the skin.

"Ah, Fuck, Draco..." Harry panted.

Draco licked the broken skin before looking up into Harry's eyes.

"I like your eyes like this best...They're dark. And hungry." Draco chuckled. He ran his hands down Harry's bare back, fingers bumping over muscle covered ribs that still managed to protrude.

Harry leaned forward and licked blood away from the corner of Draco's mouth, the blondes eyes slipped shut and he dragged a hand over the buldge in Harry's pants.

Harry pressed the side of his face into Draco's and hummed his appreciation for the action. Draco's breath went ragged as Harry dug his nails into the boys back and ripped around to the front.

"..mm..more..."He stood on his knees scooting Harry into the wall behind them pulling on Harry's hair and reaching behind himself with the other hand to pick up a piece of broken glass from the picture that had fallen.

He shoved it into one of Harry's hands. Harry's hands which began to violently shake when he realized what he was asking him to do.

Draco slid down Harry's torso, rubbing his hips into the boy as he slid down to sit in his lap.

"Please Harry. Please" He moaned into Harry's ear, still pulling on his hair.

Harry shakily took the broken glass and dug the dull tip into Draco's chest and Draco tugged hard on Harry's hair causing Harry to press harder as he slid it down Draco's torso. A red, angry looking scratch formed behind the glass that Harry saw for a fleeting moment as the shirt slid back down re-covering it. Obviously this shirt would pose a problem! Harry took the glass and ripped straight down it. Making short work of peeling it off of Draco afterwards.

All those scars.

A pin prick of blood became visible and Harry dropped the piece of glass on the floor. He shoved Draco out of his lap and darted into the bathroom where he began thoroughly splashing his face with cold water mumbling,  
"I can't do this."

Draco walked up to the door frame, torn shirt in his hand.

"You seemed perfectly fine with my hand in your pants Potter"

"Draco I'm not going to fucking cut you ok? This is WRONG. It's disgusting! There's nothing normal about it!"

Draco took a few steps back, wrapping his arms around himself.

"Terribly sorry." Draco spat throwing the torn shirt at Harry as the boy stood from bending over the sink, face dripping and glasses off.

Draco stomped into Harry's room and threw several things out of his closet before he found a shirt he apparently didn't hate.

"I didn't mean to disgust you. How silly of me to think that Harry Potter would have anything to do with something as..." Draco turned around, arms through the shirt about to put his head through. He looked straight at Harry in disgusted hurt.

"as USED as me. It was plain ridiculous! Why, I'm disgusting!" Draco threw the shirt on over his head and stormed past Harry holding back his sobs. He knew his face would be red by the time he got outside. All he had to do was keep it together and not cry until he got out of the house.

"...Draco I didn't say YOU were disgusting. I said THIS is disgusting."

"Then you think IM disgusting because THIS is part of ME." Draco turned around halfway down the stairs and screamed it in Harry's direction. His face was soaking and he cursed himself for not being able to hold it off.

"I didn't ask for this Potter." Draco's face scrunched up as the tears started comming more.

"Do you think I bloody ENJOY being a freak? I try to! I try to just take it because that's the way that I am now but it's damn near impossible with you sitting there telling me how horribly wrong it is, how horribly wrong I am every five minutes. I'd love to disassociate pleasure and pain and like girls and start a family and do all that typical bullshit. You can go out to some club and pick up some bloke that you feel like banging and have a good time. I have to find someone who's willing to fucking burn me or cut me and not be a sociopath who wouldn't stop if i said to."

Draco just stood there staring at Harry, bracing himself with one hand on each wall and catching his breath and drying his face.

Silence. Harry had nothing to say? The boy who lived and made speeches once a month to news papers since the end of the war had nothing to say?

"I'll leave you alone and take my insanity somewhere else. You shouldn't have to deal with it." Draco spat at the floor before Harry quickly took out his wand,

"Stupify"

He walked over and picked Draco up.

"I'm going to put you in bed, and I'm going to let you decide whether or not you want to be healed before we go to sleep tonight. You can have a sleeping potion if you want. But I'm not going to let you go out there..."  
He deposited the boy in the bed and released him from the spell. Leaning down to swipe a piece of hair out of his face,

"To those sociopaths who don't stop when you say no." He touched his nose to Draco's.

"And those horrid people who make you feel disgusting. And tell you you're wrong when you can't help it... I want to help you Draco."

"I'm not your project Harry, and there's nothing to help me with. This is me. This is how I am. And if you dislike it then please just tell me to leave."

Harry turned the light out and crawled in bed next to Draco.

"You can be my cigarette...But as of right now I don't smoke..."

Draco put his head in the crook of Harry's neck.

"I can work on that."


	7. hallucinations

Draco slumped down to the floor as the body weight from the other man removed itself and he was no longer being held up.

There was clothes ruffling and all he could do was press himself into the crease where the floor and wall met to attempt and feel a sense of togetherness. That and he reveled in the cool wall and floor because the man had been hot and sweaty and scratched him up pretty badly and the cold was refreshing.

There was a crack and he knew the man had left. He didn't bother to gather himself off the floor.

He pressed his spine into the wall and hissed as it stung but soothed at the same time and closed his eyes to focus on his breathing. Where was he? He hadn't seen him yesterday.

As soon as the thought went through his head he felt something ghost acrossed his face and pulled back into the wall more. He had missed someone entering? How long was he off in his own thoughts?

"Where are you hurt." He heard as lips were pressed to his neck.

There he was.

Draco rolled over onto his stomach and the man traced fingers down the scratches and bruises and cuts. He felt a tongue swipe acrossed one and tensed a little, the man chuckled. The tip of a wand was tapped repetatively on his back and he began to feel relief.

His chest was pressed to Draco's back, fully clothed, as always. His soft lips rubbed against Draco's ear,

"Do you want to face me or not?" he whispered almost soothingly,

Draco felt sick. What was he supposed to do. He knew that was how this guy got off, the idea that Draco wanted it. Somehow he always managed to actually get Draco to...actually want it.

He didn't respond and was nudged to turn and face the man. Nudged. Not thrown, not jerked, almost asked. As if he had a choice somehow.

Draco put his hands up and tried to push the man away and turn back over, this earned him getting both his wrists pinned above his head in one of the mans large slender hands and the other rolling Draco over.

He charmed his hands to stay that way and pressed his fully clothed body into Draco's form,

"I don't want to hurt you Draco, I know you don't like it. You're too beautiful for it. It's disgusting. Look at me Draco."

Draco looked where he figured the mans eyes were. How could he see in this dark, he wondered.

He was pushing fingers into Draco after nibbling and biting and licking. Nothing hurt. Nothing was painful.

"You're perfect.""You're beautiful." "I love you." was hissed into his ear.

Draco's hands were released eventually and he immediately grabbed the mans back and burried his face into his shoulder. Body arching into the slim mans. His hands clawed up to his hair, it was soft and very thin. Much like Draco's. But long. Very long. It was in a ponytail and Draco's hands pawing at the mans scalp slowly pulled it out of it's holder.

How was he just letting this man hurt him so? How is it that he was enjoying it so much? Love...what was that anyway.

It took a few times before the man realized that Draco couldn't come without some kind of pain.

"I don't want to hurt you Draco." He panted in his ear.

"I'm sorry." Draco whispered back, tears stinging at his eyes. It was the first thing he had SPOKEN to anyone. Not yelled, or shrieked, or cried.

Draco opened his eyes and he was in the dark. There was some clothe over him and he felt like he was on a cushion. He pushed back up against the wall and didn't hiss at the cold because he was wearing clothes. And when he went to move foreward, a warm body stopped him. Draco pulled back violently and slammed his head into the wall as he scurried away from the other body and fell off of the bed.

He tried to stay as quiet as he could but felt the panic inside him building.

"Draco?"

Who was that... did he know that voice? There was lots of shuffling and a light snapped on. Draco pulled into himself furthe, this shirt was choking him, the collar. Was that a shirt or hands. He began to tug at the shirt in random places. He heard the knock of knees hitting wood floor and then two hands were touching his face, but his eyes were still scrunched shut as he tried to calm himself.

"Draco, what happened? Are you alright?" He reached up and ripped the hands away, flailing several times to make sure they wouldn't try to touch him again and began to pull at his shirt until it started to tear.

Panic, anxiety, so much. He was choking, this shirt was choking him, those hands were burning, tearing.

'I love you'

'You're beautiful'

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD" Draco screamed, whimpering and finally ripping the shirt off.

"Draco, stop." Someone said in a strained voice as he felt more hands touching him.

Draco just pulled his hand away and began smacking his head into the wall.

"Shut up shut up shut up." He bit his lip and dug his nails into his palms as he pressed his fists to either side of his head.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be disgusting. It's not my fault." Draco whimpered.

"You're not disgusting!! Draco, STOP!"

Arms were wrapping around him and Draco went riggid before shoving as hard as he could away.

"NO!"

He was pulled into someone's chest and a hand slipped between his and the wall so he couldn't smack them together any longer.

"STOP I DON'T WANT TO, PLEASE" Draco started to cry.

"I'm not going to make you do anything Draco, just. Hey. Come on. Look at me."

He was hyperventalating. He pressed his fists to his head tighter and his face was pressed into someone's neck and the hand started caressing his hair and down his neckand his naked back.

"God, I should get you to eat more..." Someone whispered in his ear.

The hand on his bare skin felt rough, but it didn't burn. He disliked the contact, but it wasn't sexual.

"I don't want to." Draco whispered again as he breathed in 3 times before breathing back out.

"I wont make you do anything Draco, just calm down? Breathe with me."

"I can't breathe. I can't..I can't move. Make him stop." He sobbed.

"No one is doing anything to you Draco."

Draco felt his breathing slow down a bit as he began to feel light headed. He felt like the room was spinning, even with his eyes closed.

"Loosen the grip on your hands, you're going to bleed."

"I have to. I have to. They want me to."

Harry tightened his grip around the blonde.

"Breathe with me Draco."

Draco nodded and after a minute or too forced himself, even if he felt like he was holding his breath too much, to only breathe in and out when the other man did. The tears kept burning down his cheeks but the intense fear and panic that went along with it wasn't quite there.

He rested himself against the other man.

Slowly, he cracked open his eyes. At first he had to burry his face in the tan shoulder so he could adjust.

He just so happened to notice that they were rocking back and forth. And the other man had been constantly whispering to him the entire time.

"I know you can't hear me, and I know you don't even realize who I am, and I can't handle seeing you this broken. God Draco."

He felt the arms tighten around him more as he came to realize.

'I am at Harrys house. In his room, and he's talking to me. I had a nightmare.'

"I wish I could do something." Was mumbled into his neck. He shivered as the heat from the words ran down his cold, bare spine.

And he thought the last time he heard a voice that desperate it had been his own, echoing against the stone walls of that little hell he had been in.


	8. Thank Yous

Draco stood, wrapping himself in a towel and gliding across the room. Pompous as always. Slender as always. …Decidedly sane. He reached his room. Approaching his closet for his clothes, letting the towel fall to his feet.

Harry carefully placed the plate of food on the tray. He stared at the fork a moment before putting it on the tray next to the cup.

"It could be a bloody spoon and he'd still find a way" He muttered to himself.

He tiptoed up the stairs, he used to stomp but half the time if he did he walked in on Draco slamming himself into walls and sobbing. Digging his fingers into his own body. Punching his legs. Anything. The sound…scared him? Or maybe it just reminded him of something Harry didn't care to know about.

He precariously balanced the tray on one hand. Opening the door quickly. Usually it didn't matter. Usually Draco would simply be sitting on the bed, clothed or otherwise, staring out of the window.

Not this time.

Harry opened the door swiftly walking in; he caught Draco out of the corner of his eye quickly turning around naked. He had come to learn that the best reaction was no reaction. The more he reacted the more Draco reacted. If he was in his head he had to come out on his own. Nothing Harry said could change that.

"I brought you-"Harry was suddenly not standing, but flying; or, being flung, rather, across the room. He had turned his head just in time to catch Draco fling his hand in Harry's direction mouth open wide yelling in disgust as he felt pressure push him out of his space and slam him into the wall.

He grunted loudly as he thudded against the wall.

"Bloody buggering hell WHAT is your prob-"

"What in MERLINS NAME ARE YOU DOING IN HERE WHILE IM _NAKED!"_ Draco shrieked.

"You can do wandless magi-"  
"SHUT UP AND GET OUT" he yelled scrambling to grab his towel and keep himself…decent.

"I don't understand what the problem is; I've seen you naked a thousand time-"  
"I SAID SHUT UP AND GET OUT."

Harry stared at the floor for a second, then over at the food all over the floor.

"Oh for fucks sake. FINE" He grumbled getting up and leaving, slamming the door. Before he even made it to his room after putting the food away in the kitchen he heard rapid footsteps.

"Who do you think you are Potter? Swearing at me! Coming in the room without knocking! WHILE I WAS NAKED!"

Harry tried to ignore him and just walk back into his room, but as he opened the door a hand slipped in front of him and slammed it shut.

He sighed, looking at Draco.

"Glad to see you're…Feeling well today, Draco."  
"And using familiar names, it disgusts me. How many times must I tell you to stop talking to me like you KNOW me personally or something?"

"Draco" Harry sighed.

"I know where every birth mark and freckle on your body is. I believe I know you well enough to call you honey, let alone by your first name."

Draco flushed.

"We all have our lapses in judgment." He snapped, exasperated and clearly de-moralised.

"…Yea like when I decided you could stay here" Harry glared at him,

"Now let me in my bloody room you prick." He tried to open the door again.

"You'd like that wouldn't you! If I just let you get away with this! Well I won't!"

"And what exactly are you going to do, _Draco_" Harry let his name slide off his tongue like velvet. Dripping with false sincerity and dipped in hatred.

Draco growled shoving Harry.

"You self righteous son of a-"

Draco punched the last word straight out of Harry's mouth.

Harry's eyes widened as he saw the fist coming and he stood there like a deer in headlights. Watching practically in slow motion as it collided with his face, forcing him to look to the side. He reached up and touched his cheek.

"You **hit** me." He said.

Draco pushed him into the wall and punched him again.

"Ya and you're just standing there like the bloody pansy that your parents WOULD HAVE raised you to be, were they not six feet under." Draco smirked.

Harry shivered. It was like nothing happened. Like Draco thought they were back at Hogwarts. He was on the outside watching this ridiculous teen drama movie until he caught mention of his parents. Then his good old instincts kicked in.

"Bastard!" He yelled pushing Draco.

"What are you gonna do about it _Potter_? Cry to your mommy, oh wait you can't because she's DEAD."

"Shut up."  
"Or what, you gonna cryyyyyyy? You want your Mum? Or, you know, anyone for that matter ha-ha" Draco threw his head back laughing, just in time to snap back down as Harry plunged his fist into the blondes stomach.

"SHUT UP. I am trying to help you, _Malfoy_. And I am not in grade school anymore. I won't put up with your SHIT."

"You disgusting little blood traitor" Draco ground out as he launched himself at the boy.

Minutes. Not moments or seconds, but whole, entire, minutes. That is how long they scrapped on the floor. Punches and scratches and hair pulls and…bites…and grinds, moans, writhes, please.

"Nnn…bloody…stuck up-"Harry gasped as Draco's groin found its way to Harry's.  
"Yea" Draco moaned,

"I know Potter, shut up."

Harry slid down the wall and pulled Draco over him, pulling Draco's shirt over his head. As he ran his fingers down his abdomen he stopped just short of his pelvis.

Draco smacked his hands away,

"Don't touch those, they're mine."  
Harry glared at him,

"You kick me out of your room for TWO SECONDS and already you've vivisected yourself with a damn fork. I cannot believe you."

"THEY ARE MINE AND I SAID STOP TOUCHING THEM, YOU CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT THEM."

Draco growled. He quickly stood up, ran into his room, and slammed the door. Although Harry knew he'd come out once it got dark, he couldn't stand the dark alone.

This is how the days were spent… For the most part. There were still the days of hair ripping and crying silently, or sobbing violently into Harry's chest while slamming himself into walls.

Sometimes, he'd walk in on Draco just as he was removing his shirt and pressing his back against the tiled bathroom wall. While most people would shiver and cringe, Draco sighed, and relaxed. It seemed to be one of the few things that made him feel better.

But for the most part, the normal old pain-in-the-ass Draco seemed to be around. Only constantly trying to jump Harry's bones. In between seemingly trying to get Harry to pummel him into the floor/wall/anything solid.

One night, when he hadn't had a violent personality change in a number of days, Draco sat at the kitchen table staring at nothing for a few moments before Harry decided it was best to break his focus lest he start screaming.

"D…Malfoy?"

Silence.

He stood out of his chair and approached Draco,

"Hey… what…Are you thinking about?"

Draco looked up at him, and then down at his bruised hand. They had gotten in to it earlier, and Draco attempted to punch Harry who ducked…Causing Draco to slam his fist straight into a wall. Harry was nearly certain it was broken. Along with his cheek bone which was horribly green and purple and other shades of 'horrible bruise'.

Draco licked his busted lip and turned his head to the side, feeling that he was being too obvious as to what was bothering him.

He had become vaguely tired of the constant wounds. Whether they were coming from himself or others.

Harry pulled out his wand and pointed it at Draco who immediately shoved the chair as far back as it could go, curling into himself, knees to chest, fingers digging into his legs.

"Oh stop that you drama queen" Harry mumbled kneeling down in front of him.

"Now, give me your face or I can't do anything about it."  
Draco stared at him blankly. Harry knew this face. It was purgatory. It was the no man's land. Where he was neither Draco-Draco, nor scared-Draco, nor rabidly emotional/horny-Draco.

Harry reached up pushing Draco's chin up a bit,  
"You know, my friends are starting to think I've got something against myself. Staying here with you all day while you beat the hell out of me." He chuckled.

Draco's eyes widened and he tried to turn his face away to no avail as Harry was holding his chin in place and tapping his wand against Draco's face.

First the cheek was fixed, Draco reached up with his broke hand and ran the back of it against his face.

He locked eyes with Harry.

Harry's blood ran white hot, or was it ice cold. He really had no idea what these things did to him anymore.

"You know I don't like hurting you."

Draco gasped.

_So just love me, Draco. The long haired man had returned the very next day; he hadn't missed a day since finding him in that horrible condition._

_Draco whined as the man traced from the dip between Draco's hips to the center of his chest with his tongue._

"_I…I'm sorry." He shuttered as the man inserted fingers gently into him._

"_I can't help it, I need it."  
"oh." The man chuckled._

"_Poor baby. Poor thing. Poor pretty pretty thing."_

Harry stiffened as Draco leaned forward, their noses touching.

"What are you… uh…D-"  
He shivered. It was nearly unbearable, how badly he wanted it. Every day was so spastic with Draco, so new, so abnormal, barely ever the same thing twice. Harry backed up a bit but Draco cupped Harrys face with his broken hand, not even wincing.

"That's got to hurt here just let me…"  
Draco touched his forehead to Harry's. He didn't know what to do. Just stare at him, eyes wider than Hedwigs, feeling as utterly as confused as Ron looked half of the time. Draco was simply looking at him. Not glaring, not undressing him with his eyes. It was something else. Something so…warm. Draco leaned forward, brushing their lips together.

"H..Hey…nnn" Harry tried to pull back. It wasn't as if Draco was holding his face there forcefully, Harry just couldn't seem to MAKE himself move. He turned his face so that his lips were in the palm of Draco's broken hand, all the while keeping his eyes trained on Draco's.

"..E…episkey." Harry whispered into Draco's hand, unblinkingly staring straight into the boys' eyes, watching Draco's flutter shut.

The blonde shivered and smiled, just the tiniest bit, biting his lip.

Harry turned his face towards Draco's again,

"What is it? Did I do it wrong, I'm sorry I'm not amazing at healing charms I-"  
Draco leaned forward, eyes still closed, closing the gap between their lips. He slowly licked Harry's, nibbling slightly, sucking gently. Harry sighed opening his mouth as Draco's tongue slipped in.

'Restrain yourself, Harry' something he'd found himself thinking every five minutes lately.

'He's not thinking right, this isn't real, it's practically rape just-' and then his head shut up and he was sliding his tongue across Draco's and it was warm and wonderful and gentle. Draco moaned lightly into Harry's mouth leaning forward more, pressing their lips together harder, but still gently.

Draco sucked on Harry's tongue, then back to his lips and broke the kiss. He chuckled.

"My hand burns, that charm is...Odd." Draco smiled. Harry felt himself get that same damned look on his face that he wished he could just remove from his emotional vocabulary.

Wide eyes, mouth slightly agape.

"Burning? Oh Merlin. I know that happens why would I even bother doing that to you."

Draco chuckled again, kissing Harry one last time and actually opening his eyes, diverting them to the right.

"You're just doing what I asked you to forever ago."  
"What's that?" Harry whispered.

Draco shook his head.

"What am I supposed to do when you heal me?... Do I owe you? Do we have sex?... is that normal? Is that what everyone does? I most certainly don't remember fucking Pomfrey" Draco pulled his hand away from Harry's face, looking at the now clear back of it. Clutching his fist and opening it, as if to preserve the burn.

Harry shook his head and stood up.

"I think... Thank you will suffice for now…" He muttered as he walked out of the kitchen.


	9. encounters

**This is my favourite story I've ever written, I started nearly 3 years ago and my life kind of prevented me from ever finishing it, well I've already gotten the end written, I just need to fill in the spaces between here and there. I've re-dedicated myself to this, so please, all my wonderful readers who were so in love with it when I first started, continue with me until the end!**

TITLE: Burn me alive (formerly referred to as "forks" when it was just a one shot)  
**AUTHOR:** slashychick666  
**GENRE:** oooh...uh angst? drama? romance? It's very dark, and has a lot to do with the un-mentionable parts of the human psyche.  
**RATING:**NC-17  
**WARNINGS:** self mutilation, rape trauma syndrome, sexual abuse, torture, masochism, mentions of the male anatomy, BDSM, fetishism. It's very dark over all with hints of soft romance.****

SUMMARY: Will Harry be strong enough to help Draco in his time of need? Or will it end up Draco is the one helping Harry get in touch with parts of himself better left untouched.  
**forks(part I)****  
****flames(part II)****  
****Scars(partIII)****  
****Words(part IV)****  
****Addictions (part V)****  
****Weaknesses(part VI)****  
**Hallucinations(partVII)  
Thank Yous(partVIII)

**( ****If I'm good, will you hurt me just a little? He whispered into Harry's stomach, looking up through innocent eyes.**** )**

"Just once…"

"no…"

Draco moaned loudly into Harry's ear as Harry pressed their groins together. He reached up, cupping the brunettes face. Harry traced his lips up Draco's neck, nibbling under his ear, licking, kissing.

Nothing. No reaction from Draco at all.

Harry paused.

"I shouldn't be doing this, you're sick. I'm supposed to help you, not take advantage of you."  
"No one asked you to help me." Draco hissed pushing Harry off of him. Harry caught his lips again. Draco pressed their mouths together roughly. Nipping at Harry's.

"Stop it, I'm not going to hurt you" Harry whispered into Draco's lips.

Draco clenched his teeth, flexing his jaw, digging his fingers into Harry's face.

Harry pulled one of Draco's hands away,

"And I'm not going to let you hurt me either."  
Draco pulled his hand away and smacked Harry in the face.

Harry cringed, hanging his head and resting it on the wall behind Draco.

"Are you saying you're better than me?" Draco ground out through clenched teeth.

He shoved Harry.

"Do you legitimately believe that you're so above me that your way is correct and mine is wrong."

He had just gotten him calmed down after another brawl. Harry already had a fat lip and several bruises on his torso. He felt something inside of him tickle.

"no." Harry said flatly.

"that's not what I'm saying at all, Draco."

He had just gotten the fists to stop flying with a simple kiss. A basic gesture.

_Draco was, one second, looking at his mother. And the next…his eyes were covered. He heard her scream. He felt himself being picked up and carried and then, nothing. _

_All was lost until he woke up several hours later, stiff and cold. He reached up to remove whatever was covering his eyes, but nothing was there._

"_He's awake, I hear him moving"_

_A crack. Someone had apparated in. They pushed him down._

"_Who the fuck are you! WHERE IS MOTHE-"_

_A sharp smack to the face._

"_Shut up." He heard pants unzip. He was shoved down onto what felt like cold stone. He got up on all fours, trying to lift himself back to his legs but found that his wrists were pinned down. Heavy, so heavy, so much pressure. Someone was kneeling on his calves, the pressure on his knees into the stone was so much he was sure they'd splinter. He yelled and tried to flail. The man was so much larger than him. He slipped one wrist out and elbowed him in the abdomen, earning him enough wiggle room to shake free._

"_What is wrong with you! What are you playing at? Faggot." He spat indignantly._

_The man chuckled, light and airy._

"_You-like-to-fight!" The man chuckled hysterically._

"_He said you'd like to fight. He said you'd be fun, after all the fun your dad was."_

"…_you… you've seen my father?" Draco sat back, wresting in his heels, kneeling on his knees, rubbing his wrists._

_More laughs, shuffling clothes._

"_Seen him?" Draco tried so desperately hard to look around. Any sign of movement. He could hear it, it was getting closer._

_A hand reached out and grabbed the side of his face, Draco reached up to grab the wrist just in time to have his head smashed into the wall to his right, that he unfortunately had no clue was there._

_His mouth fell open. His sense of direction failed him. Was he lying, sitting, on his side, in the air, on the ceiling? He reached out. Finally grasping some clothe, was this man standing? So he WAS on the floor! _

_The man grasped his jaw and Draco suddenly found his mouth full of him. His and sticky and round. So far back in his throat he couldn't breathe. He tried to push away but found himself between the man and the wall, he tried to scream but all that was there was the mans member. No oxygen, no room for sound. Not even room to swallow. He drooled down his face as the man pulled out slightly and rammed back down his throat. Draco made fists as his eyes watered and he lost his sense of direction again, trying to slam them into the man's thighs but realistically just tapping him. He began to feel his heart speed up, faster and faster and faster._

"_Boy…" The man groaned out, fucking Draco's face._

"_I've more than seen…your father." He grunted over and over again. Draco could taste blood. He tried to shut his mouth to bite down on the man but the grip on his jaw was so strong it felt as if he'd dislocated it. All he could do was suck, trying to get the air in, and just receiving more and more of the man. He felt saliva drip down his neck. He felt the man's thrust become more erratic and messy. He'd lost his grip on Draco's face and he'd begun pushing so hard he was simply smashing Draco's skull into the wall as he pushed past his lips and his tongue down his throat. He shuttered a few times, letting out odd, breathy grunts as he came into Draco's throat, filling the blonde's mouth, mixing with the saliva that was dripping down his front now. The man pulled out of Draco's mouth. Leaving the blonde sputtering, taking in deep raspy breathes, the first of which was nearly entirely saliva and cum, he rolled onto his side and vomited from coughing so hard. His hearing went funny. He couldn't feel his face. No matter how many deep breaths he took in, it didn't seem to be enough._

"_I've cum in him too." The man chuckled._

_Draco heard a zipper go back up. He lied there shaking in spit, vomit, and cum as reality went farther and farther away from him and he heard a crack, hoping it meant the man had left, and not that another had arrived. As he felt new, cold, boney fingers pull at his hips, ripping his pants down, he knew a new one had come. _

"Draco…" He was being shaken.

"Draco come on, breathe."

In In In. Out… Oh yes. This was how it was supposed to be done. He gripped Harry's shoulders for stability as the room finally stopped swimming. Harry's face came back into sight. Draco looked down, away from the pitty filled, pathetic face of Harry-fucking-Potter. The boy who pittied.

Draco squeezed his legs together, his hard on pressing painfully against his pants, he hooked a heel around the back ofHarry's leg, pulling the boy in closer, smashing their body's together.

"Draco, you shouldn't do these things." Harry gasped out as Draco grabbed his hips, grinding together.

"You never let me cum." Draco snarled at Harry.

"Draco wai-"  
He grabbed Harry's wrist, yanking him into the bedroom a few paces down and threw him on the bed.

"You toy with me all fucking day and all fucking night." The blonde whined. He straddled Harry's hips, un buttoning his pants, pulling his boner out and stroking it a few times.

"You never let me cum because you wont hurt me."

Harry tried to look away, Draco ground his arse down onto Harry's crotch. He leaned forward, smooshing his hard on between Harry's stomach and his own.

"I could make you scream" He groaned into Harry's ear, pressing down again.

Harry shivered.

"Draco, I know you really think this is what you want right now."  
Draco reached down picking up one of Harry's hands and wrapping it around Draco's neck. He pressed hard.

"Squeeze."  
"NO!" Harry snapped pulling his hand back.

Draco glared at him. Sliding down his body and slipping his fingers underneath Harry's waistband.

"You never let me say 'thank you' proper, either."

He slid the pants down Harry's hips, it was clear, by the rather solid shape beneath the clothe, that he was not exactly disturbed by Draco's sudden interest in something other than random mishaps in the hallway.

"draco…" Harry reached down gripping Draco's face and pulling it so that he could make eye contact.

"You are going to regret doing this."  
"Then stop me, if you're so concerned" Draco stated as if it was the single most clear thing ever.

He slipped Harry's pants down further, nearly to his knees, taking his boxers with them. In one false swoop he went from clothed to having his prick in Draco's warm, soft mouth.

He yelped.

"Draco!"

Draco just tightened his grip around Harry and shoved him farther down his throat.

Harry reached up, grabbing the pillows as hard as he could. He couldn't help it, he let out a small scream and thrust his hips forward, Draco taking all of it in stride.

"I'm sorry" Harry panted.

"That must've hur-" He was cut off by throat muscles rippling around him. Practically begging for more. As if Draco's body was trying to coax the orgasm out of him.

"Fuck" Harry panted as Draco bobbed up and down.

"I don't want to…to hurt you."

Draco moaned around Harry's cock, as if to let him know that this was the farthest thing from hurt he could really get. He reached down and gripped his own erection, pumping both in time, bobbing his head up and down on Harry with both hands.

"AH…" Harry shuttered. Thoroughly embarrassed that he was clearly not going to last very long.

He felt a flame, flicker in the pit of his stomach. Draco let go of his own erection and grabbed Harry's hand, placing it on Draco's head. He curled Harry's hand as if demanding he pull on his hair.

"no.." Harry spit out quickly. An extra long suck has Harry gripping the blonde silky hair as tightly as he could.

"oh, Merlin. Yes."

Draco smiled around Harry's cock. He took in so much he had his nose touching right below Harry's stomach and he moaned as he felt the brunette pulls his hair hard up and the slam his fist into the back of his head forcing Draco's mouth back down.

The flame trickled up his chest, and down his thighs. What was this. He yanked extra hard on Draco's hair to the side and slammed his hips up into Draco's mouth. It became hotter and hotter, white hot, spread farther, it was consuming him.

He arched up all the way, trembling and jerking faster and faster and he yelled Draco's name over and over, cumming harder than he'd ever remember doing so before.

His hips fell down to the bed, he lay there, flat, limp, well used.

Draco continued sucking, gently. Slowly pulling his mouth away.

"If I'm good, will you hurt me just a little?"  
He whispered into Harry's stomach, looking up through innocent eyes.


	10. advances

**This is my favourite story I've ever written, I started nearly 3 years ago and my life kind of prevented me from ever finishing it, well I've already gotten the end written, I just need to fill in the spaces between here and there. I've re-dedicated myself to this, so please, all my wonderful readers who were so in love with it when I first started, continue with me until the end!**

TITLE: Burn me alive (formerly referred to as "forks" when it was just a one shot)  
**AUTHOR:** slashychick666  
**GENRE:** oooh...uh angst? drama? romance? It's very dark, and has a lot to do with the un-mentionable parts of the human psyche.  
**RATING:**NC-17  
**WARNINGS:** self mutilation, rape trauma syndrome, sexual abuse, torture, masochism, mentions of the male anatomy, BDSM, fetishism. It's very dark over all with hints of soft romance.****

SUMMARY: Will Harry be strong enough to help Draco in his time of need? Or will it end up Draco is the one helping Harry get in touch with parts of himself better left untouched.  
**forks(part I)****  
****flames(part II)****  
****Scars(partIII)****  
****Words(part IV)****  
****Addictions (part V)****  
****Weaknesses(part VI)****  
**Hallucinations(partVII)  
Thank Yous(partVIII)

**( ****If I'm good, will you hurt me just a little? He whispered into Harry's stomach, looking up through innocent eyes.**** )**

Sometimes, Draco was with Harry constantly. Other times, Harry couldn't get him closer than several walls away.

Harry wrapped the millionth bandage around Draco's leg, thinking to himself that he was running out. Then pausing to soak up how ridiculous that was. His house was a battle field and Draco was using up more bandages than he ever did.

He had watched as Draco stared off into space, stood, slowly and calmly walked to the bathroom, and then moments later was shrieking.

Harry had turn the hot water heater down, but Draco was just charming the water now. As Harry had yanked him out of the shower and jerked the knife he had out of his hand, Draco flopped and flailed and screamed,

"I HAVE TO GET IT OFF. MOTHER WILL NEVER LOVE ME THIS WAY."

As soon as he fainted Harry dragged him into the room and put him on the bed, where he promptly crawled off and on to the floor.

All of these events led up to now, the lately ever familiar scene of Harry bandaging and Draco being bandaged.

"Those aren't supposed to be healed." Draco hissed pulling his leg back.

"They get _angry_ when I'm healed. And _you_ aren't allowed to heal them. Only him." Draco spat at Harry.

"…who is they, and he. They had someone healing you there?"

"Of course! Can't play with a broken toy." Draco snapped rolling his eyes and shifting them to the right, as if he was suddenly very distracted.

He pulled his knees to his chest.

"He was so nice… So gentle… But I wasn't. I was too dirty."

Harry got up and backed away from Draco, sensing that suddenly after a day or so of not wearing any clothes and showering practically on the hour, he was uncomfortable being naked in front of Harry. He sat on the bed, trying to be slow and quiet, realizing this might be his only chance to get information out of Draco. Or the part of Draco that even knew what happened.

"There was someone there who was nice to you? Did they have a name? What did they look like? We could find him and-"  
"No" Draco snapped, as if telling a bad dog to get off the sofa.

He whimpered and hugged his knees closer, he began rocking, slowly.

"He said I was beautiful. Oh… but he's wrong." The rocking became slightly faster. Harry saw this going bad very fast.

"Sosososososososos…wrong" Draco dug his fingers into either shoulder, the rocking so hard it was making a thud now.

"He healed me, and he had soft hair and soft skin and dear god was he warm…" Draco shivered and looked down.

"So warm. So…"

"Insane" Harry interjected. Draco's head snapped up.

"You know nothing" He hissed.

"I know that you're saying he healed you yet you seem to know what his body felt like so he must've been-"  
"You. Know. Nothing. He was too good for me. Everyone is too good for me"  
"Now Draco don't you think you're being a bit severe."  
"Malfoys." Draco gritted his teeth shaking his head no.

"Malfoys are perfect."  
Harry laughed,

"Dear lord have you got that wrong."  
"They're perfect and clean and beautiful and everything I'm NOT, anymore." He added the last part as somewhat of an afterthought.

"Let me… Get you something to calm you down." Harry stood and began towards the door.

"Whore" Draco muttered.

"Filthy nasty dirty little cum filled WHORE." Draco screamed. The rocking more of a slamming now. Back and forth and thump thump thump.

Harry turned around as Draco gripped his own hair.

"Draco you need to stop that, I can barely keep up with all the wounds you're inflicting on yourself."  
"no one will love you now."  
"…I'm sorry?"  
"They will always know."  
"Know what… what did I do?" Harry was beyond frazzled at this point. Should he just allow Draco to implode, as it nearly always ended in a fight?  
"Everyone will know. No one will be able to love you. They'll always be able to smell them. Feel them. Taste them. Just like you."

He looked up at Harry.

"No one will love me because they all know how used I am. You can tell. You think I'm disgusting. Won't have anything to do with loving me."

And then Harry was gone. Out in space. Contemplating the old Draco. The tall blonde boy with every hair in place. The insanely expensive robes. Always something to say about those lesser than him. So high and mighty, so far out of reach. So perfect. So proud.

"Potter… Hello? What the bloody fuck are you staring at?"  
And then Harry was back. He therw his eyes back into focus and looked at Draco, who was now standing.

"You've been staring at that spot on the floor for a good fifteen minutes. I'm starving, go make me food." Draco demanded as he rolled back the cuff of his button up long sleeve shirt.

Harry just stared.

"Well… Do you expect ME to cook for MYSELF? Draco looked mortified.

"No…" Harry mumbled.

"No… I don't…I'll do that now."

He knew he'd never be used to this. It was so clear Draco was deteriorating, more rapidly cycling, and when he was down… He was so very far down.

Harry shuffled into the kitchen at snail speed. Cracked eggs in a pan so slowly he could've sworn the yolks took a minute to hit the heat. The way things were before. Before he refused to answer any more owls after a howler about how he needed to get out of his house and come back to work. How he didn't owe Draco Malfoy 'of all people' anything at all.

There was, once upon a time, a place that Harry belonged with friends who he spoke to about everything. But all the things that had been happening lately seemed so utterly personal. Harry couldn't bring himself to tell anyone these things about Draco.

The door creaked.

"Draco?" Harry said, head jerking towards the living room. He sprinted out of the kitchen and down the hall.

"DRACO?"

As he reached the door he saw a shadow, a silhouette of someone standing in the doorway with their arm out.

"Draco what are you…"

"It's… very warm." Draco said. Hand outstretched touching the light from the sun. He turned his palm up as he rolled his sleeve back. The paleness of his skin reflecting the light to such a degree, every scar over his fingers and hand, down his wrist and forearm stuck out like they were shouting to the world that they were there. And they were angry.

Draco stepped out, just one foot, with his nose towards the sky. He closed his eyes and let the light slip up his face like a curtain.

"I made food…" Harry trailed off watching Draco slowly smile.

'Wow' He thought. 'Never seen that before.

Draco opened his eyes and turned them to Harry.

"god…" Harry whispered gulping hard. Who just took the oxygen out of the room?

"What?"  
Harry cleared his throat.

"God, I am so hungry! Let's go inside."

Draco smirked,

"Right." He brushed past Harry, who could've sworn he felt an actual electric shock form between their pinkies when they touched.

They sat in awkward silence as Draco watched Harry like a vulture circling it's prey and Harry helplessly squirmed, trying to pretend he didn't see Draco.

Harry lifted his cup of tea to his lips for the thousand time trying to cover any part of his face,

"I think I love you." Draco stated between bites.

Harry spewed his tea clear across the table and all over Draco.

"Ok. Nevermind." Draco said. Standing to go take his fifth shower that day. But for logical reason, this time.


	11. Drinks

"_Do you love me, my pretty toy? My favourite thing…" The man moaned loudly into his ear._

"_I..."Draco choked out, head being repetitively slammed into the wall behind him as his back painfully scraped on the stone floor._

_It was so dark. So so very dark. _

"_Never mind" The man hissed as he painfully dug his fingers into Draco's hips. His breathe was so hot, everything was so hot. Too hot. _

"_You're not good enough to love." The man cackled._

_Draco sobbed,_

"_Shut up."_

_A flash of green. _

_What was that?_

"_Just good enough…" The man sighed, clearly reaching his climax as he slammed into Draco. Another flash of green, a sparkle, a spec, what was that on his face?_

"_Don't…" Draco pleaded._

"_To fuck…" The man shuddered cumming into Draco. Draco slammed fists into him, trying to push him back._

"_I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU"_

_The man just chuckled. As he lifted his head he put his face right in front of Draco's, the laugh began to distort. Something cold slid down his face and clinked against Draco's nose, a green light began illuminating from where the specs were._

_The face was illuminated, the green made sense._

"_Harry…" Draco felt himself begin to get sick, as the boy cackled louder and louder._

Draco jerked away, sitting straight up and panting. The sheets were plastered to him; he was covered in a cold, sick feeling sweat. He put his face in his hands and his mind drifted away from the horrible nightmare he'd just had and on to what led him to wake up alone, without Harry next to him to wake him before the nightmares peaked.

"**This isn't love, Draco…" Harry said when Draco had re-entered the living room.**

"**I know you think it is," He stood and walked up to Draco, hand outstretched as if to touch him.**

"**But you can't love me… you're… sick right now. I just want to help I-"Draco turned on his heel and went into the room Harry had originally designated to him, determined to sleep there on his own that night.**

He pulled himself out of bed and crawled on the floor over to the dresser, snaking a hand underneath it.

He pulled out a piece of glass, just barely tinted with dark brown dried blood. He squeezed it, pressing his back to the dresser, shoving himself in the farthest corner of the room.

Who the fuck turned off the lights when he wasn't looking. That bastard must've come in here thinking he was doing something 'sweet'. Draco mused.

'Not safe' he thought.

He curled his knees into his chest and lied in the fetal position on the floor, trying as hard as he could to become part of the corner he was so desperately shoved in to.

He hugged the piece of glass to his body. Harry had thrown all the shattered glass from that one night away, but Draco went into the trash and took this one out. The one He had used on him.

"You love me…" Draco whispered, digging the piece into his chest by pressing it in with his palm flat and dragging. He winced.

"You love me…." He moaned.

"You love me you love me you love me you love me."

Across the hall, Harry had found it quite difficult to go to sleep that night without his arms wrapped around the lithe blonde. Eventually, he had given up. Sauntering down to the kitchen, he contemplated something slightly stronger than warm milk; Fire Whiskey.

He knew it was in the house, he himself just never drank it, and it was left over from Sirius and all the other drinking men from The Order.

One drink was enough to relax him, and honestly, he had no idea why he didn't stop there.

No, he knew alright. Maybe if he drank enough, all of this would go away. Draco would be fine, he'd be snotty and uppity and unbearable…And whole.

Two and the room was moving in slow motion. He had come to peace with the situation at hand.

Three and he began to feel nauseated.

He heard a thump. Wait; make sure you're still in the chair, yes. So where did the thump come from? He slid his face off the table and fumbled his way to a standing position.

He walked at what he believed to be a normal, straight, steady pace, until he hit the wall right next to the staircase, instead of starting up the stairs.

'You love me' he heard faintly.

"Oh bugger." Harry slurred as he braced himself, an arm on either wall, carrying himself up the stairs.

He fumbled with Draco's door handle for a moment.

He creaked the door open to find Draco on the floor, jagged cuts creeping up his chest, down his biceps, up his neck. One was bleeding particularly badly.

Harry sighed,

"oh-Kay…" he slurred.

"Get OFF the floo"

Draco didn't move. Just lied there, still rubbing the piece of glass along his body.

Harry took a few steps towards him,

"Tha was NOT a question, Malfoy. UP" He shouted, and with a flick of his wrist, he'd flung Draco from the floor to his bed.

Draco's head slammed into the wall and he screamed, grabbing the back of his head

"Oh…right…sorry then! Now, just let me heal these and we'll be on our Merry Way."

Draco lay there, limp.

"Oh bloody hell, are you conscious?" Harry ran…or, stumbled, up to Draco.

"Yes…" Draco said flatly.

"Alright, sorry about that, I'm a lil'… well." Harry held his arms out waving them like wet noodles.

He flopped himself over Draco, wresting his wobbly weight on his hands which lay on either side of Draco's head. He kneeled, one knee on the bed next to Draco, face terribly close to the blondes' neck,

"Where is all this blood coming from?" Harry said, astounded.

"I mean it's all over the floor, I've never seen anyone bleed like this."

Harry gestured to the floor.

"Scourgify" he muttered, drawing a line with his finger from Draco's previous, bloody, spot on the floor to the bed, clearing the entire area of blood.

He screwed his face up looking at Draco's wounds.

"I really wish…" He shifted his weight to one hand, nearly collapsing on the blonde and touching the tip of his finger to Draco's bleeding neck.

He examined the blood on his finger tip, eyes squinted and face screwed up. He brought it closer to his face.

Against all better judgment and, in his opinion, everything that made him human and whole, he stuck his tongue out, brushing the tip of his blood tinted finger over his tongue.

He sucked his tongue back in to his mouth and closed his eyes.

"I wish you would stop ...hurting yourself…" He mulled it around in his mouth like a fine wine.

"I wouldn't have to," Draco said, reaching a hand out and cupping the back of Harry's neck,

"If you'd just do it for me." Draco smirked.

"You like the way I taste?" He pulled Harry's face closer to his and watched as Harry tried very _very_ hard to get his eyes to focus on Draco's.

Draco sniffed,

"You're drunk." He laughed.

"Naaaaaaaaaaaaah…." Harry mused.

"But, _you_ are very pretty…" Harry leaned forward capturing Draco's mouth with his own. Draco met him open mouthed and pulled Harry over him, wrapping his legs around Harry's hips. Draco licked Harry's lips and felt Harry tense as he slowly opened his mouth and their tongues brushed against each other.

Draco noted that Harry must've been quite drunk, as it burned to swallow while they kissed.

Draco reached up and slid a hand down his bleeding chest, reaching up between their mouths as he broke the kiss and rubbing a smidge of his blood along Harry's bottom lip.

Harry looked at him confused, and then slowly licked his lip, closing his eyes and shivering. He opened his eyes again, looking much like a dog you were trying to teach how to sit.

Clearly speaking different languages, but you were the one with the treats, and he was the only one you wanted to do the trick.

Draco cupped Harry's face, slipping his thumb into the boy's mouth and squirming as Harry sucked the irony substance off of it. Despite his best efforts to not, he moaned. The vibrations moving down Draco's thumb and apparently going straight to his crotch. Draco shivered, closing his eyes, breaking the staring contest they were having, tipping his head back, and letting out a high pitched squeak. As Harry swirled his tongue around the tip of Draco's thumb he watched and felt the boy arch. Draco bit his lip.

Harry spotted the piece of glass, slightly embedded in Draco's chest. He let go of the boys thumb.

"You are _so_ fucked up" Harry mused.

Draco scowled.

"Pot, meet kettle." He snapped in his childhood-school-boy drawl.

Harry shook his head. He picked the glass up and pocketed it.

"I can't help it" Harry thought out loud as he put his lips to Draco's chest. Draco tensed so hard, Harry thought it felt like he twitched.

As Harry dragged his lips up the boys boney sternum he heard Draco squeak again, terribly quiet, and terribly indignant.

"Vulnera sanentur" Harry whispered, and the bleeding stopped.

"Vulnera sanentur" He hummed again and the deepest of the deep cuts smacked themselves back together, suddenly becoming solid flesh again.

Harry looked at the plethora of shallow cuts; he frowned, licking a few. Draco buried his hands in Harry's hair and tightened his grip with his thighs around the boy.

"Vulnera…" Harry whispered, taking one final lap at his chest,

"Sanentur."

And all the cuts were gone.

"You're-no-fun" Draco pouted.

"Yea, well, I'm also very drunk, and I can't sleep in that room, so it looks like you'll have to put up with me."

Harry grumbled as he fell to one side, wrapping his arms around Draco and pulling him terribly close.

"But...It's dark... Ha…Harry" Draco shook him. Too late, he was gone.

As Draco lay there in the dark he thought something very briefly, as the warmth began to seep in to his every thought and lull him off to sleep.

"Not…Safe…?...No…_Safe_. Warm… Safe…"

And with that, he hummed himself to sleep.


	12. The Turning Point

_"Just admit it Potter, you're just as screwed up as I am" Draco smirked._

_Harry shoved him back,_

_"No, I was perfectly fine before you got here!"_

_Draco stumbled back a few steps and looked up, glaring._

_"Really? Because you seem perfectly alone to me."_

_Harry took a running jump at Draco, slamming him into the floor and smashing their lips together._

_"Shut up" Harry growled as he firmly pinned Draco's wrists down._

_Draco smiled into the kiss, bucking his hips up._

_"Now this is what I like to see..."_

_Harry smacked him. His face red hot and his stomach feeling as if a tiny fire had been lit in it, he was burning._

_"SHUT UP"_

Harry had gotten an owl. A friend was.. concerned. As usual. As always. What ALWAYS happened when he went into his periods of isolation.

What exactly did they expect? For him to go from saviour of the world to saviour of the pure? Leading a mass genocide against the law breaking citizens? How did that make him any better at all than the death eaters?

He fumed. But still; He sat, right in front of his fire place, on the floor.

The fire flashed green and She stepped out. Red hair blazing and cheeks flushed. She huffed, straightening her clothes and looking peeved.

"Harry.... what exactly are you doing on the floor?"

Harry looked up, cleared his throat and stood,

"uh...sorry ...Ginny... How have you been?"

Ginny scoffed.

"I'd be better if you'd answer my owls, or anyone's for that matter!"

Harry stood in awkward silence.

"Look... I know you feel bad about... things" Ginny said putting her hands on her hips.

"No." Harry interrupted.

"But you can't use Malfoy as a ...pitty case. Fixing it wont make anything better, it wont bring anything back!"

"You don't know what you're talking about." Harry spat, turning around.

"Maybe you should leave-"

"NO! Harry! This is what I'm talking about! This is why everyone's gone away! No one can talk to you about anything that makes SENSE! Everything logical pisses you off!"

"Ginny, there is no logic in this world" Harry gritted out, he walked over to the door to open it.

He put his hand on the knob and turned to face her to politely ask her to leave when he was incompassed by a flash of black and red.

Her hair in his face, her robed arms around him squeezing tight, her face in his chest.

Harry dropped his arms down to his side and stared, wide eyed at the wall across the room.

"Harry..PLEASE" she sniffled.

"PLEASE please please please just...talk to me.. just a little..." She sobbed.

Harry heard someone coming down the stairs.

"I know you haven't forgotten how much you loved me. And you know that I still love you. Just...let me in! Just let me help! I know you're hurting, I know it's hard. I might not know exactly but.."

"Ginny come on please stop crying, I'm sorry, I'll answer more I just can't... I can't be with you like that I."

"BUT I LOVE YOU and I KNOW you love me, you used to, you can't just stop loving someone!"

"I..." He rubbed her back and sighed.

"I do love you.. Ginny."

Draco got to the end of the stairs and turned, clothed and dry for the first time in ages, towards Harry and Ginny, quickly dropping the glass he was going to bring back to the kitchen.

Draco stared at Harry, Harry stared at the wall, although out of his peripheral vision he could certainly see Draco, and Ginny... Well, Ginny clung, and sobbed.

At some point, Harry finally gathered the courage to look at Draco's face.

It looked a lot like he figured it was. Pretty blank, mouth slightly agape.

'I'm sorry.' Harry mouthed at him.

'I'm trying to get her to leave...'

Draco never broke eye contact with Harry as he slowly bent over, picking up a piece of glass from the one he'd just broken and slowly stood, backing up onto the stairs, and quietly walking back up them.

Once Ginny calmed, Harry promised her a million times he'd write. Promised her a million times that he loved her, and most importantly, promised her a million times that he was fine.

He found Draco in a situation he never thought he would, after all these weeks.

Just... sitting on Harry's bed. Not screaming or crying. He didn't appear to be injured.

Draco looked up at him. His eyes reminding Harry immediately of cracked ice.

"What state... is the manor in?" Draco mumbled, averting his gaze to the floor.

"I've been here for a while... I have a home don't I?"

Harry leaned on the door frame.

"Yea, your home is here." He blurted out rolling his eyes and shrugging like it was the most obvious fact in the universe.

Harry sighed,

"You taste like...home"

Harry thought aloud.

"You have friends and a life out there, Potter. You have a girlfriend and a life. Here in this house all you have is me. I understand that I'm far from right, but I'm not so far wrong that I don't see how unhealthy this is for yo-"

"I'm using you as an excuse." Harry crossed his arms over his chest, thumping his head onto the door frame and closing his eyes.

"I just want them to leave me alone. I'm tired of remembering all that... nonsense. So I tell them I don't see them because of you. It's not true."

"Yea, this is completely normal and healthy, I might as well be back in that little dark hell, all I do is sit around all day and hurt and touch and moan and scream and cry and-"

Harry cleared the room, smacking Draco in the face.

"What would even compel you to say something so repulsive out loud!" Harry shouted.

Draco laughed,

"Do you really love her?" He stood, and stared Harry straight in the eyes, their noses nearly touching.

"You love her?"

Harry just stared.

"ANSWER ME!"

"YES!" Harry shouted in Draco's face so loudly Draco felt the vibration of the words.

"Yes I love her! But simply as a sibling! Like Ron or Hermione!" He threw his arms up.

"We fooled around a bit but... I just don't feel like that for her!"

Harry roughly grabbed the back of Draco's head and pressed their foreheads together.

"Why do you make everything so...real?" He asked closing his eyes.

"Why is everything about you so solid and sharp? Why can't I lie or deny things? Just let me lie. People need me to lie."

Draco tipped his chin forward catching Harry's lips and pulled Harry by the shirt forward as he walked back, tipping them both over on the bed, Harry flat on Draco.

"You don't lie to me." Draco breathed down Harry's neck before nipping at it.

"I can't" Harry moaned as he snaked a hand up Draco's shirt.

"Do you love me?"

Harry's hand froze.

"Why does it matter...Can't we just stay here in no mans land bouncing around the room like highly reactive chemicals?"

Draco's face went red.

"I need. To know this. Harry" Draco ground out as his eyes filled with tears.

He felt his face burning all the way to the tips of his ears.

Harry latched on to Draco's neck biting hard enough to cause Draco to dig his fingers into his sides.

"Shut up." Harry growled.

"I'm tired of reality." He ground his hips down into Draco's pelvis.

"I'm tired of realities rules. With you..." He unbuttoned Draco's pants.

"With you everything is... solid. And real. But according to your rules. Our rules." He nudged Draco's hips and Draco lifted them so Harry could slide his pants off.

He watched as Draco tipped his head back and his mouth opened when Harry wrapped his hand around his erection.

Draco put his hand on Harry's wrist,

"I just want to know..." He gasped.

"If you love me. Because...Harry wait" He tried to stop Harry' hand.

Harry growled and let go of Draco just long enough to flick his wrist, pinning both of Draco's wrists down and causing him to grow harder and shiver.

"stop talking..." Harry mumbled, trailing kisses up Draco's torso as he pulled his shirt up.

"Then tell me..." Draco sighed.

"Even if it's a lie, just tell me..."

Harry laid his hand on Draco's stomach, he fumbled around all of his scars. Some purple, some white. Some barely noticeable, others, like the one he had caused years ago, stuck out like a sore thumb.

"Stop. Talking. Draco. I'm warning you." He snaked his hand back down and around Draco's bobbing erection.

"No!" Draco jerked his hips. Harry mumbled something and those couldn't move anymore either.

Draco moaned as Harry stroked him.

"mmm.. Potter... Tell me that you love me."

"Why?"

"Because you're him..."

"Who?" Harry asked, slowly twisting his hand as he pumped from the base to the tip of Draco's cock.

"The one.. who healed me." Draco panted.

"Even if you have to lie." Draco tried to buck his hips up.

"Just tell me that you love me. Let me feel like I mean more than that red headed slut..." Draco spat out.

"Don't call her names." Harry warned, squeezing Draco too hard. But really, to Draco, too hard was never enough.

Draco moaned so loud his voice cracked.

"You sound like a whore." Harry spat.

"And you act like a rapist with long silky hair." Draco stated, picking his head up and latching his teeth into Harry's neck.

Harry let go of Draco and rammed Draco's face into the bed, pressing hard.

"Say that again and see what happens."

Harry was acting mad, but Draco could hear it in his breath. He must be centimeters away from the edge of an orgasm. Harry panted as he reached down and continued to stroke Draco.

He nipped and nibbled his way down his chest.

"diffindo" Harry muttered, and Draco's shirt exploded into a thousand shreds of fabric.

"Harry. Harry I'm close. Please Please hurt me Please." Draco begged, he had lost track of his breathing and was sure if he couldn't focus on it again he'd pass out.

"No." Harry licked along one of Draco's ribs.

"Fucker" Draco spat wrapping his legs around Harry as the brunette made his way down Draco's body.

"You act better than them but you're bloody well NOT"

"Keep talking Malfoy and see what happens."

"What?" Draco panted.

"You gonna keep me on the edge for months, oh wait you've already done that."

Harry bit hard.

Draco hissed.

"Rapist." Draco taunted.

Harry's lips stopped in the center of Draco's abdomen.

"flagrate..." Harry whispered.

Draco screamed in ecstasy.

Teeny tiny lines of fire licked out of Harry's lips and across Draco's flesh. White hot pain shot through him, straight down to his groin.

His brain went fuzzy and numb and everything was silent, although he felt his throat hurt and his mouth open and knew he must've been screaming his lungs out.

The room spun a few times as he hyperventilated and his body convulsed as he came into Harry's hand.

"I love you" He heard Harry whisper as he pet Draco's hair.

The blonde rolled over, curling into him and trying to fight off a panic attack as he sobbed into Harry's chest.


	13. Burn Me Alive

Harry awoke in a way that he hadn't for years, completely panic stricken.  
He shoved himself away from Draco so hard that he fell off the bed.  
Draco rolled over gripping the sheets where Harry had been and grunted, dried blood streaked down his chest, face bruised, hideously purple marks across his torso from the...burns.  
Harry's stomach turned and he gagged, suddenly so nauseous he didn't think he could stand.

Somehow he managed to drag himself to the bathroom. He had a new understanding of Draco's fondness for showers.  
He felt dirty, filthy, horribly evil and vile and disgusting. How could he possibly be taking advantage of a severely damaged and disturbed person? How could he be harming someone so vulnerable?  
It was ok to have feelings for Draco...but not THESE feelings. Not this unruly desire to harm him...but that face. That perfectly delicious face that he made with his nose scrunched up and his head thrown back and his mouth open wide...And those sounds.  
Harry abruptly shut off the water. It was bad enough that he had done it, he wasn't about to masturbate thinking about doing it.

"You look distraught..." Draco drawled, sauntering in to the bathroom and picking up his tooth brush and beginning to brush his teeth.  
Harry gasped and wrenched a towel off the rack, wrapping it around himself.  
Draco snorted,  
"I think we're past that now, Potter."  
Harry hung his head,  
"Draco... I-"  
"Shut up" Draco snarled as he rinsed his mouth.  
"You know, I don't know what's worse. The fact that you constantly tell me I'm fucked up and then do fucked up things to me, or the fact that you make me feel absolutely amazing and then appologise about it or act like someone kicked your puppy or something."  
Draco put his hands on his hips,  
"I have a perminantly ruined sexual preference. I can live with that. I can't live with you telling me it's disgusting all day every day and insisting I've completely gone around the bend and then teasing me with my own fetishes."  
Draco threw his tooth brush in the sink and stomped out.  
"You think you're so much better than me!" He growled.  
Harry stepped out of the tub and dried himself off, realizing he'd not brought any clothes in to the bathroom with him, he crossed the hall to his room to retrieve some.  
"What if I left, Potter?"  
"Draco.. no" He quickly pulled a shirt over his wet hair.  
"No, really, you act like I'm a sick little pitty party who needs you desperately but what if -I- left? Hm? You'd have to deal with the real world. You'd have to go outside."  
Harry went into Draco's room and found him putting on a coat.  
"If I left right now..." Draco turned at him, fire in his eyes.  
"You'd have no reason to continue blowing off your friends and ignoring the existance of the world outside of this house."  
"If you left you'd end up right back in that alley with a death eater who recognized you fondling you again-"  
"And that's so much worse than you ripping me open with flames JUST LIKE THEY DID and making me feel fucking wonderful and then APPOLOGISING and reinstating in my mind that feeling good is actually very very bad?"  
Harry winced.  
"I... will you let me heal your chest..." He changed the subject to something he could fix right now.  
Draco just stared at him.  
"It's..difficult for me to see...But... I really enjoy" Harry approached him and pulled the coat back, dropping it to the floor.  
"..I really enjoy looking at you but I just can't see that..."  
He placed his hand on Draco's chest over his shirt and mumbled a hearling spell.  
"NO!" Draco shouted slapping his hand away.  
"I LIKE it. I like how it looks! I like the evidence. The proof." Draco clawed at himself.  
"I am here and I am real. I bleed. I scar. You love me! This is what this is. This is love."  
Harry's eyes got wide and he stared at Draco for a moment,  
"Maybe you should leave..."  
"Maybe you should stop being in denial, you like hurting me. You're a sadist, but I'm a masochist so really, it's fine."  
Harry cringed,  
"Don't talk like that of course I'm not and of course it's not FINE!"  
"You could try cuddling me and whispering sweet nothings in my ear after hours of gentle love making until you're blue in the face, I'd just end up lying there bored to pieces and incredibly uncomfortable."  
"But how do you even know that!" Harry threw his hands up.  
"Because simply saying that sentence made me terribly uncomfortable!"  
"Every time I try to be nice to you, you start insulting me and trying to get me to hit you!"  
"Potter, let's be serious for a moment, when have we ever been nice to each other?"  
Harry thought for a moment.  
"I'm not going to be in a relationship with-"  
"This is not a relationship" Draco corrected him.  
"This is... like when a baby bird sees a cat when it first opens its eyes and becomes hopelessly attached to it. You just so happened to be there when I opened my eyes... and stuck around when I continued to close them and pretend to not exist...You're bloody Harry Potter, you killed Voldemort. I can't make you do a damn thing you don't want to do, so don't act so helpless in this whole thing!"  
"It's not like I WANT to hurt you!" Harry yelled stalking up to Draco and getting in his face.  
"It's not like you give me a choice! It's like... It's like you just make my fucking blood boil or something!" He grabbed Draco's shoulders.  
"You are just so real! So solid and... and you don't leave even if I want you to, you're so selfish, you never ask me about me! You don't make me think about all those stupid things and when I get angry at Ron I can't just punch him in the face and shag and it's all well and good!" He shook Draco.  
"Do you understand?!" He shouted in his face.  
"You make my fucking blood sing and my skin tingle and I just feel so strongly that... It's like something inside of me is burning! Like something is on fire and no matter of gentle touches and 'I love you's would satisfy it. It's so strong I just have to MAKE you feel it. I have to engulf you in this like it engulfs me!"  
Draco tipped his head to the side, squinting, as if trying to read Harry's mind or possibly something written backwards on his forehead.  
Harry sighed and released Draco's shoulders,  
"Just touching you," he cupped Draco's face, sliding his hand down his neck and around to his hair.  
"It's...It's not enough, Draco. I need to... I need to feel you I need to make you feel... as intensely as I do..." He gripped his hair and Draco's head jerked back, his lips parting slightly as he squeaked.  
Harry gripped harder,  
"THAT!" He shouted jerking Draco's head back and slamming his back into the wall.  
"That SOUND."  
Draco moaned as his body collided with the wall and Harry pressed tightly in to him.  
Harry breathed heavily down Draco's neck.  
"This is how we've always been... You have always been this... permanent fixture...You run up and say stupid things and then I hurt you and you hurt me more so I hurt you more back and we fight and throw punches and we bloody well HATE each other and then we get up and walk away and go back to our lives feeling better because we were each others coping mechanism." He nipped Draco's neck.  
"You think if I didn't enjoy hitting you just a little I would've kept doing it for seven years?" Bite. Gasp. Moan. Arch.  
Draco dug his nails into Harry's back and pulled in his shirt, he chuckled,  
"Oh, Potter, you're not as dumb as you look. But you still think I'm the spoiled brat." He hopped up wrapping his legs around Harry's waist.  
"We meet, I try to make nice, you turn me down." Harry dug his teeth into his neck deeper.  
"ngh... We land in separate houses, you have all the friends in the world, I have enemies who call themselves my friends."  
Harry growled,  
"You had a fucking family Malfoy."  
Draco laughed again, squirming as Harry removed his mouth and latched on to his shoulder, grinding their hips together. Draco shuttered.  
"You find solace in beating my arse in quiditch, something I thought I was genuinely good at. I go home and my dad beats my arse and my mums drunk as fuck and come back to school pissed, see you, start a fight, you get to pummel me and feel good. Big and important. Your life sucks a little because too many people love you."  
"You know nothing" Harry hissed lifting Draco and carrying him over to drop him on the bed.  
"Meanwhile I'm in a hole somewhere getting fucked ten times a day and torn to shreds. You need your release back. Your coping mechanism. And life just drops me off on your front porch, ready and willing to have the shit beaten out of me whenever you need a good wank." Draco laughed maniacally. He slid a hand up his own chest, lifting his shirt and fingering the scabs from last night.  
Harry hung his head.  
Draco stopped laughing.  
"I always wondered what could have you so wound up though... Always ready to pound my ass into the floor. Too many people falling over themselves to love you?" He sat up and cocked his head to the side, resting his hands on Harry's hips and nuzzling his crotch.  
Harry looked down at Draco, poison dripping from his eyes.  
He lifted his hand and swiftly struck Draco across the face.  
"You. Know. Nothing. I had no one. I lived in a closet. My 'family' used me like a house elf, they starved me and beat me and said horrible things to me and I could never fight back." Harry spat.  
Draco turned his face back towards Harry, a smile creeping across his lips.  
"You're angry at them, then?"  
"WHY are you smiling?" Harry demanded.  
Draco leaned forward, touching his nose to the button on Harry's pants before catching it in his teeth and pulling, slipping it through the hole.  
"How angry are you at them?" He grabbed the zipper between his teeth and pulled down, gently.  
"Did they insult your mother? Your friends?"  
"SHUT UP" Harry ground out, smacking Draco again.  
Draco cackled.  
"He liked to strike you in the face, didn't he. And you just sat there and took it like a little bitch-"  
A fist this time. He shoved Draco back and smashed the side of his face in to the bed straddling his hips, looking at the blonde hair tangled around his fingers which were turning white from the force he was using to keep the other boys face in the mattress.  
"I couldn't do anything! If I left that house Voldemort would've killed me!"  
He quickly let go of Draco's face and covered his own,  
"I have to stop. I have to stop doing this. I can't hurt you. I can't take this out on you I..." Draco pried Harry's hands from his face and smashed their lips together.  
"We're very similar." Draco muttered into Harry's lips as he bit down trying to get him to open his mouth.  
"You just adapted one way and...I adapted the other."  
Harry pushed Draco away.  
"It's here." He put one of Draco's hands over his abdomen.  
"It's...it's like fire and it gets bigger and bigger and it clouds my mind and makes me different...powerful. But just with you... Only when I hurt you..."  
He burried his face in the nape of Draco's neck.  
"It's like you're a match dropping into a pool of gasoline...it feels like you're going to burn me alive..."  
"Fire's my favourite" Draco mumbled darkly.  
"I seem to be fond of it as well..." Harry whispered.

It had been weeks, months, maybe a year, who knows. The instances of Harry losing control of his better senses became more and more frequent. At some point they both decided it was time to go back to work, only Harry wanted a new partner. Ron had long since removed himself from the picture.

He felt warmth start in his core. A tingly, nearly uncomfortable feeling as he slammed into the screaming blonde over and over again as he begged him to stop like the wanton whore that he was.  
He gripped his wrists so tightly he was certain they would snap in half. Draco's whole body arched upwards and twitched as his hands became red and Harry thoroughly attempted to bruise both Draco's ass and his own groin.  
"no." Draco said as his erection bobbed.  
"" Harry snapped,

Draco wrapped his legs around Harry and pushed his ass onto his hips pulling Harry closer with his heels.  
"no-touching" Harry snapped smacking Draco as hard as he could across the face.  
Draco cringed and writhed as he came all over Harry's abdomen. He dug his foot into the middle of Harry's back, earning him two more smacks, one drawing blood.  
Harry growled.  
Draco cried arching, clearly eager to cum for the third time.  
Harry began ramming into the smaller boy faster and faster. He could feel it. The fire in his core. It threatened him. He knew what it was trying to do.  
His stomach tightened and he grabbed Draco's throat, telling him to tighten. Draco shook his head no and coughed while his face began to redden.  
"DO IT" Harry gripped his neck more firmly. Draco opened his mouth trying to scream, but all that came out was a pathetic squeek.  
He tightened his ass and Harry rammed in sloppily as he felt the tingly flames spread from his core down his thighs to his knees which weakened and up through his shoulders and his arms, attempting to shatter the hand he had around Draco's neck.  
Harry latched on to Draco's neck, drawing blood.  
Draco rasped as he began to turn purple, on the verge of passing out.  
Harry let out a monsterous growl as he rammed into Draco and then fell onto his chest, his hand going limp and his body arching and falling out of his control as he came into him.  
Draco dug his nails into Harrys wrist prying the hand off of his neck, his hard on still prodding Harry's stomach as he lied there staring at the wall.  
He gasped several times, coughed, waited for the room to stop spinning.  
Harry trailed nibbles down Draco's neck and swiftly pulled out, hopping out of bed, Draco did not enjoy being cuddled, well at least not in this state of mind anyhow.

"I'm gonna shower and get to work, you should too." Harry commented over his shoulder as he strutted out of the room.  
"For fucks sake Potter, give me two seconds-"  
"Up, NOW." Harry demanded.  
Draco got up and followed him in to the shower.  
"Good boy." Harry said as he shut the door behind them. 


End file.
